Christina Alonzo: We only get one life, and we don’t know when that invisible clock is gonna run out, and so you have to make time for people and for things that are important to you. And I am not wasting any more time worrying about things that aren’t necessarily important. And yes, I need to make sure that I have money to pay all my bills. But I’m also not stressing out about eating at a restaurant that costs a little bit more money, or buying Addie, something that is frivolous or whatnot, because I want to enjoy the life that we have here, and we’re not going to take it with us. We can’t take anything with us, and so we’re going to enjoy the time that we have, and make those memories.

Heather Nelson: Welcome to Her Story Unscripted. I’m your host, Heather Nelson, a connector, business strategist, and someone who truly believes that the most powerful conversations happen when we stop performing and start being real. This podcast is a space for women to share honest, unscripted conversations about life, growth, and the experiences that have shaped who we are. No perfectly polished narratives, no pressure to have it all figured out, just real, authentic stories told exactly as they are. 

Hello, everyone. Welcome to Her Story Unscripted. I’m so honored to have Christina here. Christina was actually on my previous podcast. I looked it up, and it was almost three years ago, March of 2023. So much has happened in your life. One of the things that I really wanted to have you on again, not only because you’ve been through a lot, but your story has always just been inspiring to me. I think you and I had met, and you were on the podcast around influencers, and you know that world, and how you’ve navigated that. And you also have gone through three deaths with little children, babies and all of that. So if anybody wants to go back and listen to that, that is an incredible story in itself. But you’ve gone through a lot in the past three years, and you still show up. I know you probably have your ups and downs in life, but you’ve always stood out as someone inspiring to me. I was like, I have to have her back on the podcast and hear all about what you’ve been up to, and how you’ve navigated such a hard time in your life again. 

So Christina, welcome to the podcast. 

Christina Alonzo: Thank you. Thank you for having me. Yeah, it has been quite an adventure. So much has happened since I was on the podcast last. So I guess for your audience, if they want to go back and listen, we did talk about my boys in the previous podcast. But since then, we have navigated so much more. So in November of 2024, we received a pretty life-altering diagnosis for Curtis. It was just a normal weekend. We dropped Addie off at my mom’s, we did weekly date nights, and we dropped my mom off at Addie’s and went to sushi, and Curtis just randomly got sick. I thought he had the flu. And that weekend, he just seemed a little off. He said he was tired, he was sick, like stomach flu type sickness. And he said he just felt kind of off, kind of tired. That was Friday night. Saturday, I noticed that he was walking a little weird, but he said he was just tired. And each day, there were just things that seemed a little off, and I had said I wanted him to go to the doctor. And he said no, he was just tired. And he went to work Monday morning, and my gut just said that something was wrong. 

And Tuesday, I tried to get him to go to the doctor, and he would not go. And Tuesday night, he put our daughter to bed which he did every night. He said her bedtime prayers, and they did not make sense. And of course, she was little, and she didn’t notice anything. But I did. We came out of the bedroom and I said something was wrong. My background is in senior care. I was the executive director for Senior Living Community for quite a while, and I said, I’m not trying to be mean, but you are showing signs of somebody who possibly had a stroke. And I said, we need to go to the doctor. And he’s like, no, no, no, I’m fine. And we went to bed that night. And Wednesday morning, I said, we need to go to the doctor. And he’s like, no, I have to go to work. They need me, blah blah blah. And I said, if something is wrong, you’re not going to be any good to anybody. We need to go to the doctor. And he’s like, no, I have to go to work. And he went to work. And all day, I felt sick to my stomach. I knew something was wrong. I had called my mom and I was like, I have to get him to go to the doctor. I know something is wrong. And so I brought my daughter to my mom’s house. And when he came home, I was like, we need to go. I’m hoping that they just tell me that I’m crazy. But something is off, and we need to go. And he said okay. 

And we went to the ER, and the doctor’s like, why are you here? And he was like, I don’t know. I’m fine. I told the doctor everything that I had been noticing, and I went back Friday, and told him the symptoms. And the doctor was like, sometimes when men show these symptoms, it could be a UTI. And I was like, oh, I knew that. I worked in senior care. I knew that. And then I was like, oh, he just has a UTI, duh. It’s easy. And they ran a bunch of tests, and the doctor came in and said, I’m sorry, but we found this massive brain tumor. We are going to transfer him immediately to San Francisco. They started him on steroids, sent him to San Francisco and did a biopsy because they suspected that it was cancer. But they had to do the biopsy first. And sure enough, it was glioblastoma, which is brain cancer where his tumor was located, and how it infiltrated his brain. The tumor in his brain was not operable. So with glioblastoma, even if they could have surgically removed the tumor, it’s not a matter if it comes back, it’s when. 

So best case scenario with chemo, radiation and removal of the tumor, we were looking at maybe five years. We chose chemo and radiation even without surgically removing it, kind of as a hail mary. Curtis was young. He was 44 in perfect health. Other than that, he never even got a cold. He ran for fun. He rode his bike to work every day just because he wanted to. And so given his medical history, we thought that we should try. I thought we should try, and so we did. We did one round of chemo and radiation, and the cancer was contained. It didn’t spread anymore, which was good given how aggressive glioblastoma is. But unfortunately, that wasn’t enough. And from the date of diagnosis until the date of death was four months. Glioblastoma is very aggressive, and it was spread pretty much to his entire brain. It was a miracle that he wasn’t showing any symptoms prior to that weekend. What the oncologist and the neurosurgeon believed was that the swelling had gotten so bad, and that’s why he started to show symptoms. Typically, people find brain cancer because people are having headaches, or seizures, or losing balance. And remarkably, he wasn’t having any symptoms prior to that, or maybe not. Maybe if we could have caught it earlier, we could have–

Heather Nelson: How long do you think that he had had it? What was it that triggered it? But that would make sense, that it swelled.

Christina Alonzo: I believe now that he may have started noticing some symptoms in July. There are things now that I see that I didn’t see at the time. Curtis kept a journal, and he did write down a few times that something felt off, but he wasn’t sure what. And the first time he mentioned that was in July. Our son left for the police academy in July, and I went with him to move into his apartment that he was going to be living in during the police academy. Curtis didn’t go, and he had mentioned in his journal that we had taken Tommy to Chico, and that he had stayed here, that he was feeling really tired and off. Something fell off in his brain, but he wasn’t sure what that was. And so I believe that he started to feel different in July, but he didn’t know what that was. And then there were just other things now that make sense. You just chalk up to everyday life to work with small children and be good. Now I see that I just didn’t pay attention to much at the time.

Heather Nelson: And I feel like men are so, like you were saying, it took him a few days to even go to the doctor because they’re like, it’s fine, it’s fine. You’re like, no, something’s off. And it always takes them so long to be like, okay, let me go get help.

Christina Alonzo: And just like other things too. The kids and I talked about after, my birthday was in October, the diagnosis was in November, and he always made such a big deal out of holidays. He made everything so special. And every birthday of mine, he would decorate the house. He would go over the top with gifts, and he had been asking me what I wanted to do for my birthday. And I was like, nothing. Nothing, I don’t want anything. I don’t need anything, like. If I want something, I buy it. It was not a big deal. And he didn’t do anything for my birthday. This was the first time in 10 years he didn’t do anything for my birthday, and I didn’t think anything of it because I had said over and over, and over that I didn’t want anything. I didn’t need anything for my birthday, and so I didn’t think anything of it until after. And I was like, he would have never not done anything for my birthday. But I think after the fact, I thought about it like he didn’t think about it. It seems like after the diagnosis, I started noticing his short-term memory was all gone. I still play this game where I think about how long has his short-term memory been gone, and how much was just he memorizing, or how much was long-term memory because his long-term memory was intact. They told him he had brain cancer, that he wasn’t going to work, and he couldn’t retain that information, which almost was a blessing in disguise. He knew who we all were. He could tell you dates and things from the past, but he had no short-term memory. 

Heather Nelson: In the four months, what was life like? Was he able to be bedridden, or was he able to go out and do things? 

Christina Alonzo: He declined very, very quickly. So the day we went to the ER, he drove himself to work and home. He went in, they took him to UCS to, I can’t remember, we’ve had so many hospitals. He went to San Francisco to CPMC and had a brain biopsy. And it seems like once they messed with the tumor from there on out, he declined. He had trouble walking. His balance was really bad. He ended up having two massive seizures. He ended up with a pulmonary embolism. He declined very, very quickly. The chemo and the radiation did a number on his body, so he really didn’t walk much again. Maybe with my assistance, he could walk a little bit for maybe the first two weeks that he was home, but I mainly provided all care for him. He was at home. He was in and out of the hospital quite a bit, but he was mainly at home. With the brain biopsy, he spent like four days in the hospital. And then after the seizures, he spent a few days in the hospital. But he was mainly at home. And then when we found out about the blood clot, he was in the hospital for a few days, and then we brought him home. After that is when we chose to just do comfort care instead of continuing with the chemo and radiation. And then once we chose that, he was only in hospice for four days before he passed. And that was in March of 25.

Heather Nelson: If somebody was listening to this right now and is going through something like this, what advice, or what were some of the things that helped you get through this time?

Christina Alonzo: I think just taking in every moment that we had, even as hard as it was to watch him go through what he was going through, it was an honor to be able to take care of him at that time. I know that he would have done it for me in a heartbeat. I told my older kids that it’s a good lesson that you don’t marry somebody unless you’re willing to change diapers, feed them, give medications around the clock, and hold their hand while they are literally fighting for their life. Because it is hard to watch somebody you love go through something like that. And also take care of a toddler who does not understand why their dad, who was so full of life, can’t talk. She would say, why isn’t Dad talking to me? She would ask him to put on her shoes, and he physically couldn’t do it, and that was so hard for her because she didn’t understand why he couldn’t do it. Navigating her grief on top of my own, and going through it in real time, there’s always that  question, is it better to have somebody die suddenly or watch them die? There’s no right answer. We went through it, we watched him go through it, and it was hard to watch somebody so healthy and full of life lose that. 

And there was moments of clarity, like I said, I think there was like a blessing in disguise that he didn’t understand what was happening because I truly don’t think his heart could have handled knowing how much in pain that we were all in because there was nothing he wanted more than for all of us to be happy. Everything he did was for all of us, and so I don’t think that he could have handled it. I think he wouldn’t have cared for himself properly if he knew how much it was hurting us. But there were moments of clarity, like a couple days before he passed, he said to me, he hoped that I knew how much he loved me and how much he was going to miss me. And that for me not to be jealous that he was going to be with our boys. There were moments where he understood what was happening. But man, it was a lot. But I think given the nature of my job, I was able to spend every minute with him. I was able to be there with him, and be the one to take care of him. He didn’t have to go to rehab. I got to be there in the hospital with him, and I got to be here at home and take care of him, and so I’m grateful for that as hard as it was.

Heather Nelson: You kind of spent that time with him before. You’ve been through a ton of grief. My heart, I just get chills listening to your story and knowing what you’ve been through. Is your perception of life different now?

Christina Alonzo: Oh, yeah.

Heather Nelson: Because I think where my head and my heart sit right now is that we are constantly in human nature complaining about things. Like, this sucks about this, or this sucks about that. Sometimes we take for granted our health or our relationships, and things like that. So I guess my question is, if somebody is listening to this and it feels that way, as somebody who’s gone through such traumatic grief, what are some takeaways that you could give us that would help us to look at life in a different light? 

Christina Alonzo: Since Curtis has passed, the way that I see things now is that we always think that we have time, and we don’t. There were so many things that we wanted to do, or thought that we had time to do, or plans that we wanted to make, and even simple things like returning a phone call, or planning a barbecue with friends, or things like that. There’s always things that you think you have time for, because other things take your time first, and you just don’t know. And so this last year, I’ve really focused on just saying yes as much as possible. I understand that we have to pay our bills. Everybody has to work. We live in Sonoma County where the cost of things are astronomical, but we also only get one life. We don’t know when that invisible clock is going to run out, and so you have to make time for people and things that are important to you. I am not wasting any more time worrying about things that aren’t necessarily important. 

And yes, I need to make sure that I have money to pay all my bills, but I’m also not stressing out about eating at a restaurant that costs a little bit more money, or buying Addie something that is frivolous or whatnot because I want to enjoy the life that we have here and we’re not going to take it with us. We can’t take anything with us, and so we’re going to enjoy the time that we have and make those memories. And we did a lot of traveling this last year, saw a lot of friends that we’ve been meaning to see, going places that we’ve been wanting to go, and also not stressing out about things that aren’t really important. Curtis was never bothered. I used to say he was calm to my storm because everything to me was always an emergency, always. He was never bothered by anything. And the ironic thing is that they say that glioblastoma brain cancer is caused by a shift in your dna, and a shift in your dna is caused by stress, which is funny to me because he was never stressed. I’m the one who is always stressed, and so I have been trying, which isn’t going that well for me, but trying to be less stressed by things, and just live more like he did. Less bothered by things that aren’t as important, but I feel like more of us need to say yes to more things. And I think it’s harder to do when you haven’t been impacted by such hard things. I used to tell him, ironically, all the time too, that he took his job very seriously, which is not a bad thing. 

But one of the things that had impacted me a lot from his death is that we received a termination email the night he died from his corporate office. They couldn’t even wait till the next day. They closed out his employee ID and all of that, the night, the day he died It just goes to show, it wasn’t like his co-workers, I’m sure, miss him. I’m sure they know he did a good job, but it just goes to show that you’re just a number. You spend your whole life, dedicated 22 years to a company, and I get that email the day he dies, and that still bothers me. 

Heather Nelson: It’s a perspective that you give, give, give so much to other people, or to a job, or to a company for them to just do something like that, and you’re like, what was all that for? What was all this stress for? What were all those endless hours for?

Christina Alonzo: And that morning, he was like, I can’t go to the doctor, they need me there. You know what I mean? You just dedicate so much of yourself, and then you’re gone, and they move on. And sometimes, that’s a hard reality. But it’s just the way that it is, especially in a big corporate company. It’s not anything against a person, he was a good person, he was a hard worker, but companies still have to keep moving forward. Your family is the one who misses out on the time, and misses out on the memories and everything else, and so I think if I had a piece of advice to give to people who are like that or like him in that aspect, they will just move on, but your family is the one who will be missing something and someone. 

Heather Nelson: That’s such a great reminder, for sure. I know we just had this conversation the other day about just being able to own your own business or to do your own thing, and how much freedom there is behind that to be able to pick up your kids from school. And yes, it’s stressful. But there’s so many more benefits to doing your own thing so thank you for sharing that. I know obviously that that is super triggering for you, and I appreciate you being open and honest about it. Because I do think I know a lot of people right now that are struggling with a spouse or a friend who’s battling cancer, and so I guess, my last question before we move that conversation is, as somebody who was in it, the thick of it, any advice for the people outside in your community, or your friends, or your family of ways to support a situation like that, and a hard time like that how we, as our community, can support them?

Christina Alonzo: Yeah. My number one tip is to just show up. I think that the hardest thing is sometimes you feel like you don’t know what to say, or don’t know what to do, and so you do nothing, and that makes people feel like you don’t care. And even though that’s 99.9% of the time not the case, when you say nothing and do nothing, that is hard. And so sometimes, even saying I don’t know what to say, or I don’t know what to do, but I’m here for you, or I’m thinking about you, or I love you goes a long way. Because when you do nothing or say nothing, that’s hurtful. And so even just saying that you don’t know what to do or say makes a big difference. And when somebody is in the midst of the thing, they don’t know what they need. And so asking them to make another decision is really overwhelming. So saying like, let me know if you need something isn’t helpful. And so if you know somebody who loves coffee, just drop it off on their doorstep, or send DoorDash with a coffee, or a meal, or whatnot. Because when you’re in the thick of it, you can’t make those decisions. And that I feel like that goes for when they lose somebody, lose a child, lose a spouse in the thick of postpartum, in the thick of dealing with a cancer diagnosis, just send whatever it is. Send a card, send the coffee, send the sandwich. Because asking somebody to make another decision can be so overwhelming because they don’t know what they need. They can’t even think clearly. And so having to think about anything else feels too overwhelming, and they’re not going to ask for the help, and it just feels like one more task on their plate. 

Heather Nelson: Such a good reminder. Thank you for that. You’ve gone through an incredible weight loss journey. How much weight have you lost? 

Christina Alonzo: Over 200 pounds, like insane. Like insane. 

Heather Nelson: What was the point for you? How long have you been on this journey? 

Christina Alonzo: Since October of 2023. 

Heather Nelson: It’ll be three years this year. 

Christina Alonzo: So in October of 2023 I started taking Semaglutide, a GLP-1, and I still am taking that. I am doing it for maintenance now, and the question I always get is, why am I still taking the GLP when I do not want to lose any more weight? And the short answer for that is I am doing it for the food noise. My biggest issue is that I have uncontrollable food noise, and I would not stop taking my medication for my thyroid. I would not stop taking the medication for my anxiety, and so as long as I can, I will continue to take the GLP for the food noise. I work very closely with my doctors. I get my labs drawn regularly just to make sure that everything is in line, and I stay on the GLP to manage that as well.

Heather Nelson: So obviously, you’re a supporter of it. I think it was one of my last few episodes of the last season, I had someone on who also went through that journey, but also created an app around it. I learned a lot about it because I think there’s a lot of stigma behind it. Everyone’s like, oh, you can just take a shot and then lose this weight. Or how you’re gonna have to continue taking this medication for the rest of your life. Also, there were so many things. But the one thing that I took away from that conversation was the food noise, and I’m like, oh, that’s really a thing. And then the more that I thought about it, I was like, oh, yeah. I’m constantly, what’s for dinner? What am I having for lunch? Oh, we’re going out to dinner. Let me look at the menu. I’m constantly thinking about food, and I’d never even thought of it. So for me, that was like a huge wake-up call why people take it. 

Christina Alonzo: Yeah. So unless you deal with that, it’s not something people even realize, right? And people are like, oh, well, just don’t think about it, or just count calories or macros. Well, that makes it worse. Because when you battle with food noise and you do something, like count calories, then you’re constantly thinking about that even more. So what am I going to eat? How many calories is that? Then it gets even more constant. So one of the things for me with this journey is that food has no moral value. Food is not good or bad. Food is just food. It’s supposed to be meant for just fuel. And one of the things that I’ve been able to do this time around is that I’ve been able to use it that way, which I’ve never been able to do before. Because I’ve done lots and lots of diets before. I’ve lost weight before. I’ve lost a significant amount of weight before, but it’s consumed every part of my life. And it’s been extreme because the noise has been constant. It’s been, what can I eat? When can I eat? How much can I eat? Weighing and measuring. Where can I go? People would ask, what can you have? Now, I can have whatever I want when I want if I want something. Or if I don’t want something, when I’m full, and when I’m hungry, which has never been a thing before. And honestly, I feel like if it wasn’t for the tool of the GLP, I would have probably put on the weight that I lost when Curtis was sick and when he had passed, because food has always been an emotional thing for me.

Heather Nelson: Totally. How do you feel your mental state is now that you’ve lost weight? Do you feel like a whole new person? Because I know, especially when we’re a little heavier, we have all these thoughts about ourselves, right? How has your mindset changed since taking it?

Christina Alonzo: Going back just really quickly, if I can to Curtis, I also feel like if I hadn’t lost the weight, I would not have been able to care for him like I did, and so I would not have been able to lift him. He was tall and big, and I would not have been able to push him in the wheelchair like I was. I would not have been able to get him in and out of bed and move him to change the briefs, and to get him into the shower, and out of the shower, and do all of those things at 300 pounds. There would have been no way I would do it to physically care for him like I needed to when I was heavy. I didn’t even think about that, that needed to happen in order for me to be able to physically care for him. I used to be one of those people who said everything happens for a reason. I don’t necessarily believe that now. There’s been too many shitty things that have happened, I think, that sometimes bad things just happen. But I do think that you can find meaning and find positive things that happen from those shitty things. 

One of those examples that I’ve given recently is that Asher lived 18 days in the NICU before he died, and that was just a really shitty thing. He had a very rare genetic disease that not a lot of people have had. There’s only been a handful of cases worldwide. It’s just one of those freak things that have happened. Curtis and I weren’t carriers, it was just one of those really bad lucks to draw things. He was on ECMO, the highest form of life support, which led Curtis and I to have some really tough conversations about life support and end of life care, and things that normal people in their late 30s and early 40s don’t have, especially when they’re that young. People just don’t have those conversations, and Curtis and I had a lot of those conversations about, what would happen if we were in a coma? What would happen if this or that? What we would want. Normal people just don’t have those kinds of conversations, especially when they’re so young, and we had a lot of those conversations while Asher was sick, and after Asher had passed. 

So when Curtis got sick and his short-term memory was gone, I had to make decisions for him on what kind of care he was going to have. I knew exactly what he would want because we had those conversations. And if Asher hadn’t been sick, and if we didn’t go through that with Asher, I might not have known exactly what he wanted. We were together for a long time, so I knew generally what he would choose. But I knew exactly what to do for him because we had those conversations, which we might not have had yet because we were still so young. But because we had been through that together, I knew exactly what to do. And now I still like, did I do the right thing? Because it’s just human nature, but I know that I did. I know that he would have wanted me to try with the chemo and radiation even though we know it was a hail mary. I knew he would have wanted me to try, and I know that he wanted me to stop when we did. I know that I made the right choice even though sometimes I still question it. But if we wouldn’t have gone through what we went with Asher, we might not have had that conversation yet. Because usually, people wait until they’re later in life to have those kinds of tough conversations, which is another good reminder to have those conversations because you just don’t know.

Heather Nelson: But nobody wants to have them, right? It’s that uncomfortable conversation. Nobody wants to think of that. But how much more set up for success would you be if you had that conversation?

Christina Alonzo: Yeah. And it is uncomfortable. You don’t want to have to have those conversations. But again, we aren’t promised tomorrow.

Heather Nelson: Yeah. Such a great reminder. Christina, what’s life like now for you? What I mean, obviously, I’m sure you have good and bad days, but what is life like now with you and your daughter?

Christina Alonzo: So we are trying to just live in the moment, enjoy life as much as we can. Addie, she misses her dad quite a bit. I mean, we all do. We try to keep his memory alive as much as we can. We are so grateful that I have the job that I do because we have documented so much of our life, and so we have so many videos and photos. And Curtis was such a great dad. He reads to her every night, and we have all of that. He would just record, it’s almost like he knew, but he didn’t know, if that makes sense. He would read to her, and he would just set up the camera and record himself reading to her. We have her like Yoto box him reading to her so he can read her bedtime stories still. She’s only four, but she talks about him, and we try to keep his memory alive as much as we can. Her and I just try to enjoy life as much as we can, make those memories, and do things that he enjoyed. We still try to keep the family dinner with the big kids and things that were important to all of us, and say yes as much as possible.

Heather Nelson: My last question for you is, what is that one thing, that one takeaway, you’ve given us so many takeaways, there’s so many things that I’m just like, yeah, put in perspective things. What’s the one thing that you think someone needs to hear from this conversation today?

Christina Alonzo: Just say yes as much as possible. Enjoy the time that you do have. That’s been my biggest takeaway from all of this is, just say yes as much as possible.

Heather Nelson: Christina, thank you. Thank you for again being open to the conversation. I know that you are going to help so many people that are going through a situation like this, or even listening to this story. And if that happens to them, how they can manage it, or even just have a resource to reach out to. I think the other thing is like building this community of women who have gone through hard things and be like, shit, I’m going through this too. Who can I reach out to get support from, or get advice from? I just want to thank you for sharing your story. Again, I love watching you, and all the things that you’re doing. You look incredible, and I’m just so honored to have you here today.

Christina Alonzo: Thank you.

Heather Nelson: That’s a wrap on today’s episode of Her Story Unscripted. If something you heard today made you feel a little more seen, a little less alone, or just got you thinking, that’s exactly why we’re here. If this episode resonated with you, I’d love for you to share it with another woman in your life who needs to hear it. And if you haven’t already, make sure you subscribe wherever you listen, or catch us on YouTube so you never miss a conversation. I’m Heather Nelson. Thank you for being here, for listening, and for showing up for real stories. I’ll see you next week.