There’s a version of every woman’s life that she never planned for. For Donna Johnsen, that version arrived after twenty-three years with the same man — a life she’d built, a family she was raising, an identity she thought was settled. And then, without warning, the ground moved. This is a conversation about what happens when the story you were living gets rewritten without your permission, and how you find your way back to yourself anyway.
In this episode of Her Story Unscripted, Donna Johnsen shares the honest, unscripted story of an unplanned divorce after more than two decades together — the disorientation of realizing her entire adult identity had been wrapped up in a relationship, and the slow, imperfect work of learning who she was outside of it. Donna talks candidly about journaling her way through the hardest year of her life, the pressure to perform grace instead of actually feeling it, and how she eventually turned her rawest moments into the humor-driven social media presence that’s become her platform today. She’s also navigating an almost-empty nest, with one daughter about to leave for college and a son already away — one more layer of change stacked on top of everything else.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re standing at the edge of a cliff — unable to go back, terrified to go forward — this conversation is for you. Donna doesn’t offer easy answers. She offers something better: proof that you can fall apart quietly, in your robe, in your Notes app, and still find your way to laughing again.
What We Talked About:
In this episode, Donna and I talk about:
- The unplanned divorce that ended her 23-year relationship, and the identity crisis that followed
- Why she started journaling in the Notes app on her phone just to survive the rumination
- The memoir that undid her, and the permission it gave her to stop performing grace she didn’t feel
- How humor became her way of healing instead of hiding
- What it’s really like navigating teenagers through a divorce, and letting them have their own feelings about it
- The almost-empty nest she never saw coming, and what midlife reinvention actually looks like
Episode Highlights:
00:46 Introduction — Heather welcomes Donna Johnsen.
07:48 Donna opens up about the unplanned end of her 23-year relationship.
10:15 The memoir that gave her permission to move beyond society’s expectations after divorce.
13:02 Why she started journaling in her Notes app to stop the constant rumination.
17:30 How humor became part of her healing journey.
31:19 Navigating teenagers through divorce and letting them have their own feelings.
40:33 The almost-empty nest, midlife reinvention, and becoming “Mama D.”
42:22 Where to connect with Donna Johnsen.
Meet Donna:
Donna Johnsen is the voice behind Laugh Lines and Life Goals, where she shares an honest, funny, and refreshingly unfiltered take on midlife, motherhood, and reinvention. After an unplanned divorce ended a 23-year relationship, Donna turned to journaling — and eventually to social media — as a way to process what she was going through, and has since built a community of women who find comfort in her humor and her honesty. She’s the mom of two, with one child already away at college and the other headed there this fall.
Full Transcript:
Donna Johnsen: I realize, and give yourself grace. That word is such a loaded word. So many, everybody uses that word, give yourself grace. Give yourself grace. But it is true to some degree. You are responsible for you. You are responsible for your own actions, your own behaviors, your own reactions. You cannot control the actions, reactions of others. And that’s really hard in these kinds of situations, but you have to just take ownership and responsibility for yourself, and just try to understand that people are going to do what they’re going to do.
Heather Nelson: Welcome to Her Story Unscripted. I’m your host, Heather Nelson, a connector, business strategist, and someone who truly believes that the most powerful conversations happen when we stop performing and start being real. This podcast is a space for women to share honest, unscripted conversations about life, growth, and the experiences that have shaped who we are. No perfectly polished narratives, no pressure to have it all figured out, just real, authentic stories told exactly as they are.
Hello, everyone. Welcome to Her Story Unscripted. I’m very honored to have Donna here. Donna and I just met maybe a year or two ago through some networking events and groups. We did this really cool collab together, and that’s really where I feel like I really got to know you. But you are very present online, which is something that I definitely want to dive a little bit more into. But there’s something about you like you’re just so genuine and kind, and you have this really energetic energy, but you have a really heavy story, and so I think there’s so much to say about that. How we internalize so much of what goes on behind the scenes, but we still show up authentically, raw and happy. And so I think this will be part of this conversation, and so I’m really excited to have you.
Donna Johnsen: Well, thank you for having me. And thanks. Quite an intro there, thank you so much, though. I have to say, you are a brave woman for having me on a podcast with the word unscripted in the title. Just saying.
Heather Nelson: Let it out. The thing, though, is I think that you and I, before we saw each other this week, so we had a little pre conversation. But the thing is that we do show up with the script, right? We don’t want anyone to know the ugly, the messy, the story behind our, like, we all internalize it. But what if, as women, we were to show up authentically and tell our story raw and be real? How many lives do I think we could change? How can we inspire other women to come forward and be proud? I think in a time like this in our world, we need more women’s voices to speak up to make change, and so that is why I changed the name to it. So I’m here for whatever comes out of your mouth.
Donna Johnsen: Be afraid. I think that you make a really, really valid point. And I think it’s something that is tough, right? There is a script, and I want to talk a little bit about that as we get going. But there is sort of this script and this expectation, and it’s kind of an expectation that we show up graceful. We show up in a way that makes other people comfortable. And sometimes, to help others, to help ourselves, we need to be able to speak candidly, openly and honestly.
Heather Nelson: Yeah. I’m here for it. Okay, so let’s go back to little Donna. Where did you grow up? You don’t have to go into that detail.
Donna Johnsen: Wow, I was gonna say we’re going deep.
Heather Nelson: Because a lot of the things we’re going to talk about is marriage and your divorce, that is part of the journey, right? Where did you meet your husband? You have two children, and so take us back a little bit. You don’t have to go back to, like, okay-year-old Donna. But where your journey kind of started.
Donna Johnsen: Oh, wow. I was not anticipating that. This is the unscripted part, huh?
Heather Nelson: The unscripted.
Donna Johnsen: I grew up in the Bay Area. I essentially grew up to a single mom, or with a single mom. I didn’t really have a father in my family unit, if you will. I met my husband, or ex-husband. We were both still in college. He is older than I am, but he was still in college, so I met him there. We dated for about a year and a half, early 19, 20. Maybe into 21, something like that. He was 23, 24, 25, like that age. Then we broke up for five years, and then ended up getting back together. I’m not going to go into all the details of all of that, but we were together for 23 years or so. Married for about, well, 20 by the time.
Heather Nelson: That’s so funny, my first husband, we were together for like two years, and then we broke up, and then got married. I was the same age when I first started dating. I was like 21. And then I was like, I’m not ready to date. I’m not ready to settle down. I want to still date. I still want to be young and free. I did that for a few years, and then ended back. That’s a whole nother story. Anybody can listen back to my horror story. But yeah, I see you in that situation. And then you had two kids. How old are your kids now?
Donna Johnsen: My daughter just turned 18, and my son is 19. Pretty quick succession.
Heather Nelson: And are they in their home? One lives away?
Donna Johnsen: One is away at college on the East Coast. The other is graduating this month and will also be going to college on the East Coast. I think one of the things I want to talk about today is, let me say, first of all, I never anticipated that I would be on a podcast talking about midlife reinvention. I was never on any sort of vision board, so it’s kind of funny to be talking about this. But that’s all part of this journey too, because I will have an empty nest. Like an official real empty nest, and that is also a really big life altering event on the heels of all these other life altering events, so that’s going to be kind of crazy, but she’ll be off in the fall.
Heather Nelson: I’m actually really jealous because I have all of my kids out. Well, my oldest is out at college, but the other three are at home. My little guy is four, so I work a really long time by myself.
Donna Johnsen: Yes, it’s so hard, though. The time goes so quickly. You laugh because people said that to you when you were young and the kids are young, you probably heard it with your youngest, the days are long, but the years are short. And you go, uh, huh, sure. Mock around town like juice boxes up the wazoo, and whatever. The old age is just true, though, you look back on it, you cannot believe it.
Heather Nelson: I know. I’ll appreciate it, but I am a little jealous of you. I’ll just come to your house for a wine night.
Donna Johnsen: I got wine. Just come on over, girl.
Heather Nelson: Okay, Donna, so you said, you hinted that you have an ex-husband. It was probably not the split that anybody is expecting. And obviously, I want to respect your privacy and the situation, so as much as you want to tell the story of what happened there.
Donna Johnsen: I guess I will say it was unplanned, unanticipated, and a long-term relationship. Pretty much my entire adult life, and so it was hard. It was a really, really difficult situation, and so I guess, how much do I want to go into it? I don’t know. But I can say that it really was a life-altering event. I kind of think of it a little bit like one of those events where you’re standing on the edge of a cliff, kind of a thing, and it’s like you can’t step backwards because that background is too shaky. And if you step forward, you’re going to go over the cliff. And so it’s a really tough time. It really makes you have to re-evaluate your entire existence, and so I guess that doesn’t necessarily really answer your question. But as you can imagine, it really forced me to look at who I am. Who my identity is separate from this relationship, and sort of learn how to forge a path forward, if you will. I don’t know if that answered your question at all. I might have danced around.
Heather Nelson: I know your story. I obviously don’t know the very nitty gritty details of it. And obviously, I don’t know the people that were involved. But I do think it would be safe to say that your husband cheated on you. And I think as a woman, that’s something hard, and it’s something that we don’t like to talk about. Because again, there’s probably a lot of shame, and all the things that come up. I think that the most powerful part of your story is that that happened to you, and both are still here in the community that you live in, how brave you are to walk forward and see a path forward in a beautiful light. I know that it was probably messy and ugly, and stressful. I’m sure there’s a lot of crazy stories, but I do want the listeners to know that that rocked your world in such a crazy way. And what I admire about you is how you were able to move past it and move forward.
Donna Johnsen: I guess I will say that all I can really talk about is my own experience, my own perceptions. This is the reality that I’ve walked through. I’m not here to analyze anybody. I’m not here to analyze anybody’s motivations, or intentions, or anything like that. I’m going to put that disclaimer out there. I could simply share my experience, and that’s really it. And I’m sorry, I’m dancing around it. I guess a good segue is that it’s really hard to speak about these things. I think I mentioned it to you the other day, everybody kept sending me the Belle Burden memoir. Everyone kept sending me Strangers: A Memoir of Marriage. You got to read this book. You got to read this book. And yes, it was very triggering. But there were some takeaways from that book beyond the actual infidelity and breakdown of the marriage.
And one of the things that she talks about is, you alluded to it earlier, was this script, and this expectation, and this societal expectation to behave in a certain way, and to continue to speak in the narrative that makes everyone comfortable that doesn’t feel so ugly and yucky. All those kinds of things. There’s also a genuine fear for lack of a better way of talking about this. I’ve always tried to remain very sensitive, conscious to how I kind of articulate my story, partially out of respect for my children. Partially because I think there’s so much more to this beyond the actual what happened. I could go into it. I could go on and on. There’s so much you’d like to say, and that’s not really the value in this. The value in this is looking at, again, however it is that you feel you need to sort of move through and pass this is where that is. So Belle Burden chose to just come right out and say it. She talks a lot about how frustrating and difficult it was for her to have this expectation that she not say my husband left me for another woman and is planning on coming back. That’s her story, and it’s how she was comfortable saying it.
Everybody has a different way that they deal with it. The way that I chose to deal with it was not that far off in some ways, and that she really leaned into her writing and things like that. And that’s somewhat what I did too. I started journaling. That’s really how this all started. I literally opened up the notes section in my phone, and I just started journaling because I needed an outlet. I needed some way to get these feelings and thoughts, and all of these things out of me. Out of this constant rumination, questioning, and all of these kinds of things, and get it out somewhere. And that’s what I did. And from that, I made that determination, or I kind of figured out, I’m not the only person. And let me also say, this doesn’t necessarily have to be about infidelity, or a trail, or any of those kinds of things. It could be about any of those situations where you feel you’re on the edge of a cliff. It could be a serious illness. It could be the loss of grief over the loss of a loved one. It could be the loss of a long-term career. There are so many situations where you feel like you’re in this position where you can’t go backwards. And if you go too far, you’re just going to go straight over, and so I have tried to channel that energy, those feelings into something that I felt could be helpful to others. And if nothing else, laugh. I mean, if you don’t laugh, you cry, I guess. And so that’s really how I kind of got to where I am.
Heather Nelson: I always say, and I say this probably every episode, should be a quote of mine that the guests that I have on my show, on the day that they come on my show, I always feel like whatever message they have, it’s like you’re speaking to my soul. Because whatever I’m going through, and my relationship right now with my husband is not great. We definitely have some hard things that we’re working through. And literally, it was yesterday that I was in my head thinking about all of these things. Like running through all your thoughts, your feelings, how you behaved, what you need to work on. I just started, I actually use this app called Liven. It’s actually really cool. They educate you, but then there’s also journaling, prompting and all that stuff. I just voice texting how I felt that day. I felt so free after I could just get it out of my head to somewhere where it’s not floating around in my head. I still have it, so I can look back and see my journey. But it’s so interesting that you said that, because I just did that today, and I just felt so much better just like getting it out of my head.
Donna Johnsen: Rumination is tough, and we all do it to some degree. I think when something happens in your life and you can’t make sense of it, I think we, as human beings, have a deep-seated need to make sense of the situations. If you don’t learn from history or do repeat it kind of concept. And sometimes, some situations are nonsensical. Sometimes, you also have to come to the conclusion. And I guess I’m specifically talking about this kind of a situation where you can’t control the actions of others. There’s only so much you can do, and you have to have self-reflection. You have to have self-actualization. You want to be able to take responsibility for things that you know, any contribution you could have had. But there are certain situations that people are going to do what they do regardless of what it is that you might have done in a relationship or whatever. And for me, this is one of those things that really has very little to do with you. Those decisions, those choices really are not reflective of the other individual no matter what it is in the situation. That’s a choice, that’s an action that you really have very little control over. That’s a very difficult pill to swallow.
And for someone that wants to kind of, or is sort of driven in that direction of wanting to take responsibility, or determine what they could do to be better, it’s really hard sometimes to understand that, and to accept that. And so we tend to ruminate, we tend to just circle the drain, circle the drain and go, all right, you know what? What did I do? What can I do? What happened? What happened until the hows come from. What happened, happened, so that’s something that’s pretty common, I think. And so journaling is a way that you can do that. And in Belle Burden’s situation, she just straight up wrote about it, so good on her. But it’s definitely something that I think we have to find a way to get out. The other thing is that, for me, humor has been huge. I tend to be a pretty self-deprecating person. It tends to be what I do, and so it was a very comfortable medium for me. It was a comfortable way for me to sort of. Again, I’m not just out there saying whatever. I joked about it earlier, but I really am not. I think just trying to laugh at ourselves and laugh at situations is healing in and of itself.
Heather Nelson: Talk about your platform. I’ve been writing down notes, but one thing that you have been focusing on is that I always slaughter your social media name, so can you just say laugh lines in life goals. But I love it, right? But you show up, and as somebody who’s older, I know you’re in my age range. We fear being on social media, we fear being on video, we fear showing up in laughing at ourselves or being silly. Talk about how you broke through that because I think that is such an important thing. And I have more questions leading up to that, but I’ll let you answer that first.
Donna Johnsen: I was not huge on social media when all this started. I had Facebook.
Heather Nelson: I thought you’re gonna say MySpace. I’m kidding.
Donna Johnsen: I’m not that bad. Come on, girl. I had Facebook. I really wasn’t. I would post a little bit on Instagram, but I definitely had never done a reel in my life. I hadn’t done any of those things. I think what really was sort of the genesis of all of this, was I was so broken. I just felt like a shell of myself, and I really wanted to show others that you can be vulnerable, you can be in a place, I felt like it was a way for me to be able to heal, that’s what I really used this as a vehicle to do, and that’s really all. Honestly, I have said many times, people go, what are you doing? What’s your goal? What’s your whatever? What’s your mission, type of thing. And honestly, I could say my mission is if this helps anyone feel more seen, more heard, it makes them smile when they are in a dark place, then that’s my mission. I just achieved my mission. That was literally it. And it’s evolved and grown from there. There are a lot of cool things that have happened from it, but that’s not what this was intended to be. This was intended to be a way for me to get out, get out of my own way. Take some control for lack of a better way, a situation that I had very little control of, and just lean into being authentic, being genuine, and just putting it out there.
Heather Nelson: You’ve done a great job, and we’ll have your people follow you in the show notes, and I highly recommend it, because you do, it’s really funny, it’s fun and funny. We did this like a little mastermind class together, we did like a content day, and it was cool to watch you and your element producing this content, because again, like I’m still learning how to create content, and you know, show up and video and all that stuff. You make it look so easy, and it was absolutely so fun. Like, you find these like funny little moments, or you find these like funny things that people talk about on a day-to-day, and you’re like, I’m going to make a fun video of it. And so that’s what I love about you.
Donna Johnsen: And by the way, I have no training in this. I really just have crazy things that run through my head. I literally have these crazy thoughts, and I’m like, I’m gonna say it. I’m gonna do it. I’m not going to the third rail per se. I just want people to smile and laugh. And sometimes, it’s strangers. Sometimes, it’s other people that resonate with you that help you through these really difficult situations in these difficult times. I really want people to know that you’re not defined by what happens to you, but really, how you react to it. And I think that that’s what’s really important. I think that this is something that’s repeated like we’re talking about. I was recently reading an article similar to her, and I didn’t actually realize this, but do you know who Nora Ephron is? She wrote When Harry Met Sally. She wrote Sleepless in Seattle. She did all those movies, right? I did not know this about her. But when she was seven months pregnant, she was married to, oh, I can’t remember the guy’s name, but he was a big journalist. This was in the late 70s. But he was involved in Watergate and things like that. So big famous journalist of that time.
She was seven months pregnant, found out her husband was having an affair, and she was completely broken. She’s seven months pregnant with her second child, and she finds out he’s having this affair. She’s just like, my whole life is over. And this is in the late 70s, right? So this is not exactly as progressive as the time as we live in now. And so she went on to write, I think it’s called Heartburn? She wrote a book, they made it into a movie with Meryl Streep and Jack Nicholson, so really big people. And it was all it was her life. She made it fictional, but it was exactly her story, so she was like the original of this. And then she went on to have all this tremendous success, When Harry Met Sally. Everybody knows When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle, whatever. But those are all her movies, and so there’s a really great example of someone that, in spite of what happened to her, how she was able to do, and whatever that is, you don’t have to become someone famous. No one’s putting you on a book tour. It doesn’t have to be that. It just has to be that you find whatever success is for you, however success is defined for you, even if it’s just getting up in the morning. There was a period of time where success for me was just getting out of my robe. I had people, literally, eating food, I mean, it was that bad at a certain point. And if that’s success, then that’s success. That’s okay, right? So it’s just by, ding. Whatever it is that makes you feel like, hey, I can get through this. I’m not going to step over the edge. I don’t know, that was kind of a ramble.
Heather Nelson: But no, I love it. I think it is such a great perspective because I do think, and I think anything hard, like you were saying, not even just a marriage breakup, or a terminal disease, or whatever it is. There’s some kind of joy on the other side of it, once you can get through that, and that’s why I want these stories on here. That’s why I want to be able to talk about it, because I know there’s someone that’s listening that’s probably sitting in a situation in a marriage where she knows her husband’s cheating, or she’s unhappy, or `they know they need to get out of this relationship and like, what do you do next? You feel like, I can’t do this. How can I do this? I’m scared. There’s fear. But when you hear somebody else who is strong and was able to get through it, I think there’s so much power behind that.
Donna Johnsen: I’m not gonna lie, I think there’s this concept of toxic positivity too. And sometimes, that makes things even more difficult on the individual who’s going through it. And people don’t talk about that because there is, again, a sort of that script. This expectation that, oh, well, things happen for a reason. Or oh, it’ll be okay. Or sometimes, that’s not necessarily the best thing for the people that are in that. It’s okay to let them live in a suck, for lack of a better way of putting it. It doesn’t mean that you have to sit and stay in the mock forever. But don’t also put these really false expectations on yourself that all of a sudden, okay, well, it’ll all be okay. Because sometimes, it just straight up sucks. And that’s okay too. I really always want to be really conscious of falsehoods. Making people feel that if they aren’t feeling that way, or they aren’t going, oh, my gosh, everything’s fine. Oh, look at her, she’s doing great. There’s a lot behind the scenes. I still struggle all the time. There are things happening in real time right now that are pretty awful. And yet, you have to choose to try to keep moving forward. And I’ve talked about that a lot too, and I’ve talked about that to other people as well. Just that concept of, just try to keep moving, keep moving forward. It’s going to be hard. There are days that you are going to just want to stop exactly where you are. You’re going to want to curl in a fetal position, and to have to just put your hand on that wall and whatever it is that will get you through. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Heather Nelson: It reminds me so much, I just came off watching Mel Robbins on Monday. Because there was a day where she literally reenacts a day where she doesn’t want to get out of bed, and how she has to get out of bed because she has to pick up the pieces and not mope around. And nothing’s going to happen in a positive light if you don’t get up and keep moving forward, and so there was a lot of power behind that, I think. But I do agree that sometimes, you just have to sit in the yuck, or you have to also know your limits and your boundaries. And when to say no, and that’s one other thing that I really respect you for because we sat in a mastermind. You and I have been involved in other groups, and we were sitting there because we’re building our business and we want to move forward. You had this thought of doing your own thing and starting your own business, but you’re not sure what it is. There was a day where you’re like, I just got to take a time out. I need to not continue to think about what I need to do, or what group I need to be a part of, or having clarity on where I want my business career to go. But you were like, I got a lot of shit going on right now, and I just need to like to be.
Donna Johnsen: And you did. And I was like, good for you. Because I do think that us as women constantly gotta do this. We gotta do this, and we gotta do this. And we signed it for this, and now we feel like we have to. I’m at a point right now where I need to start shedding some things too because it’s like, I know what’s important to me, and I know what I need to focus on right now, and all of that other stuff doesn’t matter, right? It’s hard though. It’s really hard. I just did a reel about that, just talking about that concept of, as women, especially, but we always have this conversation. It seems like a conversation we’re consistently having about, I have so much going on, I’m so stressed, I can’t do this. I should have said no, but I said yes, kind of thing. And it happens all the time. We feel that if we don’t, it’s like we’re almost gonna get some kind of gold star for being overextended, stressed out or whatever, and there is no gold star at the end.
Heather Nelson: The amount of checklists, like check marks you can get for the day of your to-do list.
Donna Johnsen: Like mom’s not putting the little stars on the chart for us. But it’s hard to remember that sometimes, because we are, and we do live in a society where that sort of go, go, go. The more you do, the better you are. And so we have to be conscious of that, I think, as women, for sure. And let’s be honest, who can really raise their hand and say, I’ve got all my shit together. I know exactly what I’m doing. This is exactly who I am, and where I’m going. Maybe there are some people, maybe it’s the people that are just doing that whole manifesting if I say it’s gonna happen. I don’t know. I mean, reality is we’re all evolving, growing and changing, and that’s part of this too. We don’t have to have it all together. It’s a constant evolution, and so we have to realize that we have to be willing to do that. And I think that’s part of the story too.
Heather Nelson: Sometimes, it gets forced on you, you just have to roll with it. One thing that came to mind that I jotted down is, as I mentioned, I do think there’s going to be women that are listening to this episode and they’re stuck. They’re stuck in this relationship that they know is not good for them, it’s not good for their spouse, it’s not good for their kids. What is your advice on how to navigate children? Because I think one big piece that most people stay in a marriage is for kids. They don’t want to split their home, and that’s a whole nother conversation. But from your experience, what are some key things that helped you to navigate that with your kids?
Donna Johnsen: You got hard questions again. These are just my opinions, my perspectives, my experience. But I think you have to honor your children’s experience as well. You need to try the best you can. And nobody’s perfect, by the way. But you’ve got to try the best you can to not add your narrative to everything. You just have to let them experience it. You need to let them articulate what they need to articulate. You need to honor their feelings as well. I know that all sounds well, good and easy peasy. Oh, yeah, of course I do that. It’s really hard when you’re in this situation, and it’s really hard when you are experiencing difficult times yourself. It is so difficult to show up. And then again, kids are pretty broad. Are we talking about two year olds? Are we talking about 12 year olds? Are we talking about 22 year olds? They’re all your kids no matter what, but children are in wherever they are, age wise. Wherever they are maturity wise, there’s a lot of variables there. I think, though, you have to give them the space and the opportunity to feel.
Heather Nelson: Really make their own decisions and let them have their own feelings. I think that’s a hard thing. You feel some kind of way about your ex, but you have to also let them feel, and let them experience, and let them have their own opinions without your own flooding that. And I can imagine that’s definitely not an easy thing to do.
Donna Johnsen: It’s very, very difficult, but it’s so important. And children are going to, you also have to respect their feelings too, for the lack of a better way. You can’t, in any direction, push your children in whatever direction. You just can’t go in with an agenda, maybe that’s the right way to say it. I really want to make sure my kids do this, or do that, or whatever. No, you have to let them experience it, especially older kids. Again, my kids were teenagers when this happened. I guess if I had, instead of having whatever they were, 13, 14, 14, 16, whatever ages they were there, instead of that, if I had three, four year old, maybe this would look very different. But you have to let them be able to talk with you, try to listen objectively, again, without adding commentary. Really, really hard, especially older kids, because older kids aren’t stupid. Older kids are experiencing this with you and experiencing this in their own way, so they didn’t fall off the turnip truck yesterday. They’re older kids. But you’d still have to try your best and let them do whatever it is they need to do too. That’s what’s really hard as well. That’s the best advice, I guess, I could give. But again, I’m no psycho–
Heather Nelson: But it’s your experience, right? You don’t have to be an expert in any of this, but it’s your experience, and what has helped you through. I do think even just hearing someone else’s perspective is so powerful and so inspiring to be like, okay, here are some tools that I could use. And even just like those little tiny little tidbits. It’s like, oh, yeah, just let them be. Let them experience. Not to be an expert, don’t worry. Is there anything else part of your story, part of your journey that you would find that our listeners would get value from?
Donna Johnsen: Oh, gosh, anything that I missed trying to think about. That’s a hard one. I think, again, just really trying to realize and give yourself grace. And that word’s such a loaded word. Everybody uses that word, give yourself grace. Give yourself grace. But it is true to some degree. You’re responsible for your own actions, your own behaviors, your own reactions. You cannot control the actions, reactions of others. And that’s really hard in these kinds of situations. But you have to just take ownership and responsibility for yourself, and just try to understand that people are going to do what they’re going to do. And it’s really tough to not want to control, or just even wrap your head around.
Heather Nelson: That’s why Mel Robbins’ book is so successful, because it’s like, let them bury. That was her two and a half hour, I wouldn’t call it a concert, but her motivational session was about. Let them be who they are. But let me be me, and let me be who I am. And so I think that’s why it has gotten so big because she’s probably one of the first people to actually do it.
Donna Johnsen: It’s hard. She probably alluded to it. I can’t imagine it’s easy for her every day to do that, and to say, just let them. Because it’s really hard not to take these things personally. What if you take it personally? Which, by the way, I have, plenty of times. Does that affect anything? Does that affect what is happening, or someone’s doing? And again, doesn’t necessarily just have to apply to this kind of a situation. This can be any situation. You can react any way you want, but how often is your reaction really affecting anybody else’s actions? People have their own agendas, their own motivations, their own interests. There’s a lot of validity in just letting them. It’s easier said than done.
Heather Nelson: 100%. I do think that, especially where you’re at in your life, like we talked about laughing, joy and humor, and I think we need more of that. I literally write that in my journal every day, that I want more of that. I want to find that fun part of me, instead of just being so serious all the time. Thinking that I always have to be working, and all of these things. And so I think that, to me, that was one of the best things. The biggest takeaway I got from you today is just laugh more, laugh at yourself, be funny, be vulnerable, find joy.
Donna Johnsen: I will tell you, if you were to ask many people to describe me, most would probably describe me, especially people I would say in my life before, and I think there’s reasons why, but would describe me as type A, would describe me as a driver, would describe me as definitely a workaholic. For many, many years. I was very driven in what I’ve done in my career for a long time. There were a lot of reasons, I think, for that. But people would not normally describe, I don’t think anybody described me as easygoing. And so when something happens in your life that forces you to re-evaluate, evaluate your core identity. I hate to use the word, it’s an opportunity. Again, that sounds so contrived. I don’t know if I would describe this as an opportunity, however, you could choose to make it an opportunity. I really wanted to choose to take pieces of me that maybe I didn’t feel as good about. Do I still have an inclination to be kind of a type A person?
I bet you, if you were to ask my kids, in fact, I know if you were to ask my kids because they’ve literally said it to me, you are very different than you used to be. I don’t get worked up over things. I tend to be a lot different. And this is funny because I read this in Belle Burden’s book too, which I thought was really interesting. She actually talked about this, and I had a really similar situation when she was married. She had this almost anxiety to make sure things were perfect, make sure everything was in order. You didn’t want a lot of chaos around you. I was very much like that. I know for myself why I was like that. I don’t know her situation, but I had that. I was like that when that was no longer a variable. I am a lot more easy going. Kids come over here. My daughter has friends over here. They call me Mama D. It’s like this very different energy, and I guess that there are those things that you could kind of lean into, maybe I didn’t really like that about myself, that I had an opportunity to evolve and change stuff for what it’s worth.
Heather Nelson: So great, Donna. Thank you. I know talking about a personal thing, it’s a hard thing. And obviously for obvious reasons, you can’t dive into most of the details, but I appreciate you, at least, talking about what you’ve gone through. Have these little takeaways that these women can take back with them, and just have a different perception of a life change like that. I just want to thank you, and I appreciate you being here today.
Donna Johnsen: It’s fun. Thank you so much.
Heather Nelson: That’s a wrap on today’s episode of Her Story Unscripted. Is something you heard today made you feel a little more seen, a little less alone, or just got you thinking that’s exactly why we’re here? If this episode resonated with you, I’d love for you to share it with another woman in your life who needs to hear it. And if you haven’t already, make sure you subscribe wherever you listen, or catch us on YouTube so you never miss a conversation. I’m Heather Nelson. Thank you for being here, for listening, and for showing up for real stories. I’ll see you next week.
There’s a version of your life you build for everyone else — and then there’s the one you finally build for yourself. For Mercedes Hernandez, getting to the second version meant walking away from a 15-year relationship, living alone for the first time in her life, and sitting with the kind of quiet that most of us spend years running from.
In this episode of Her Story Unscripted, Mercedes shares the honest, unscripted story of how she went from a 15-year-old retail worker with no direction, to opening her first brick-and-mortar at 20, to building SoCo Markets into one of Sonoma County’s most beloved community events — and what was happening behind the scenes all along. She talks about co-dependency, identity, the grief she processed while still inside her marriage, and what it actually felt like to choose herself for the very first time.
If you’ve ever stayed in something longer than you should have because it felt safer to stay, or if you’ve ever lost track of yourself inside a role — as a partner, a business owner, a daughter, a people-pleaser — this conversation is going to feel like someone finally said the thing out loud.
Episode Highlights:
- 00:00 Cold open — Christina on the invisible clock
- 00:49 Heather introduces Her Story Unscripted
- 01:15 Welcoming Christina back — three years and a lot of life later
- 02:21 The normal weekend that wasn’t — Curtis gets sick
- 5:28 The ER visit and the diagnosis — glioblastoma
- 7:15 Choosing chemo and radiation — a hail mary for a 44-year-old in perfect health
- 12:18 How quickly he declined, and what caregiving looked like at home
- 14:18 Curtis’s death in March 2025 — four months after diagnosis
- 18:55 What helped Christina survive this season
- 22:13 The termination email the night he died
- 27:22 200 pounds lost — and how the GLP-1 journey intersected with Curtis’s care
- 25:10 How to actually show up for someone in grief
- 36:10 Life now — Addie, memory-keeping, and saying yes
- 38:03 Christina’s one takeaway for the listener
Meet Christina Alonzo:
Christina Alonzo is a mother, content creator, and Sonoma County local who has walked through more grief in the last few years than most people face in a lifetime. From losing babies to navigating a sudden and devastating brain cancer diagnosis in her husband Curtis, she has shown up with remarkable honesty and grace at every turn. In the past year and a half, she has also completed a transformative 200-pound weight loss journey that changed not just her body, but the way she moves through the world. She is raising her daughter Addie with Curtis’s love still at the center of their home
Full Transcript:
Christina Alonzo: We only get one life, and we don’t know when that invisible clock is gonna run out, and so you have to make time for people and for things that are important to you. And I am not wasting any more time worrying about things that aren’t necessarily important. And yes, I need to make sure that I have money to pay all my bills. But I’m also not stressing out about eating at a restaurant that costs a little bit more money, or buying Addie, something that is frivolous or whatnot, because I want to enjoy the life that we have here, and we’re not going to take it with us. We can’t take anything with us, and so we’re going to enjoy the time that we have, and make those memories.
Heather Nelson: Welcome to Her Story Unscripted. I’m your host, Heather Nelson, a connector, business strategist, and someone who truly believes that the most powerful conversations happen when we stop performing and start being real. This podcast is a space for women to share honest, unscripted conversations about life, growth, and the experiences that have shaped who we are. No perfectly polished narratives, no pressure to have it all figured out, just real, authentic stories told exactly as they are.
Hello, everyone. Welcome to Her Story Unscripted. I’m so honored to have Christina here. Christina was actually on my previous podcast. I looked it up, and it was almost three years ago, March of 2023. So much has happened in your life. One of the things that I really wanted to have you on again, not only because you’ve been through a lot, but your story has always just been inspiring to me. I think you and I had met, and you were on the podcast around influencers, and you know that world, and how you’ve navigated that. And you also have gone through three deaths with little children, babies and all of that. So if anybody wants to go back and listen to that, that is an incredible story in itself. But you’ve gone through a lot in the past three years, and you still show up. I know you probably have your ups and downs in life, but you’ve always stood out as someone inspiring to me. I was like, I have to have her back on the podcast and hear all about what you’ve been up to, and how you’ve navigated such a hard time in your life again.
So Christina, welcome to the podcast.
Christina Alonzo: Thank you. Thank you for having me. Yeah, it has been quite an adventure. So much has happened since I was on the podcast last. So I guess for your audience, if they want to go back and listen, we did talk about my boys in the previous podcast. But since then, we have navigated so much more. So in November of 2024, we received a pretty life-altering diagnosis for Curtis. It was just a normal weekend. We dropped Addie off at my mom’s, we did weekly date nights, and we dropped my mom off at Addie’s and went to sushi, and Curtis just randomly got sick. I thought he had the flu. And that weekend, he just seemed a little off. He said he was tired, he was sick, like stomach flu type sickness. And he said he just felt kind of off, kind of tired. That was Friday night. Saturday, I noticed that he was walking a little weird, but he said he was just tired. And each day, there were just things that seemed a little off, and I had said I wanted him to go to the doctor. And he said no, he was just tired. And he went to work Monday morning, and my gut just said that something was wrong.
And Tuesday, I tried to get him to go to the doctor, and he would not go. And Tuesday night, he put our daughter to bed which he did every night. He said her bedtime prayers, and they did not make sense. And of course, she was little, and she didn’t notice anything. But I did. We came out of the bedroom and I said something was wrong. My background is in senior care. I was the executive director for Senior Living Community for quite a while, and I said, I’m not trying to be mean, but you are showing signs of somebody who possibly had a stroke. And I said, we need to go to the doctor. And he’s like, no, no, no, I’m fine. And we went to bed that night. And Wednesday morning, I said, we need to go to the doctor. And he’s like, no, I have to go to work. They need me, blah blah blah. And I said, if something is wrong, you’re not going to be any good to anybody. We need to go to the doctor. And he’s like, no, I have to go to work. And he went to work. And all day, I felt sick to my stomach. I knew something was wrong. I had called my mom and I was like, I have to get him to go to the doctor. I know something is wrong. And so I brought my daughter to my mom’s house. And when he came home, I was like, we need to go. I’m hoping that they just tell me that I’m crazy. But something is off, and we need to go. And he said okay.
And we went to the ER, and the doctor’s like, why are you here? And he was like, I don’t know. I’m fine. I told the doctor everything that I had been noticing, and I went back Friday, and told him the symptoms. And the doctor was like, sometimes when men show these symptoms, it could be a UTI. And I was like, oh, I knew that. I worked in senior care. I knew that. And then I was like, oh, he just has a UTI, duh. It’s easy. And they ran a bunch of tests, and the doctor came in and said, I’m sorry, but we found this massive brain tumor. We are going to transfer him immediately to San Francisco. They started him on steroids, sent him to San Francisco and did a biopsy because they suspected that it was cancer. But they had to do the biopsy first. And sure enough, it was glioblastoma, which is brain cancer where his tumor was located, and how it infiltrated his brain. The tumor in his brain was not operable. So with glioblastoma, even if they could have surgically removed the tumor, it’s not a matter if it comes back, it’s when.
So best case scenario with chemo, radiation and removal of the tumor, we were looking at maybe five years. We chose chemo and radiation even without surgically removing it, kind of as a hail mary. Curtis was young. He was 44 in perfect health. Other than that, he never even got a cold. He ran for fun. He rode his bike to work every day just because he wanted to. And so given his medical history, we thought that we should try. I thought we should try, and so we did. We did one round of chemo and radiation, and the cancer was contained. It didn’t spread anymore, which was good given how aggressive glioblastoma is. But unfortunately, that wasn’t enough. And from the date of diagnosis until the date of death was four months. Glioblastoma is very aggressive, and it was spread pretty much to his entire brain. It was a miracle that he wasn’t showing any symptoms prior to that weekend. What the oncologist and the neurosurgeon believed was that the swelling had gotten so bad, and that’s why he started to show symptoms. Typically, people find brain cancer because people are having headaches, or seizures, or losing balance. And remarkably, he wasn’t having any symptoms prior to that, or maybe not. Maybe if we could have caught it earlier, we could have–
Heather Nelson: How long do you think that he had had it? What was it that triggered it? But that would make sense, that it swelled.
Christina Alonzo: I believe now that he may have started noticing some symptoms in July. There are things now that I see that I didn’t see at the time. Curtis kept a journal, and he did write down a few times that something felt off, but he wasn’t sure what. And the first time he mentioned that was in July. Our son left for the police academy in July, and I went with him to move into his apartment that he was going to be living in during the police academy. Curtis didn’t go, and he had mentioned in his journal that we had taken Tommy to Chico, and that he had stayed here, that he was feeling really tired and off. Something fell off in his brain, but he wasn’t sure what that was. And so I believe that he started to feel different in July, but he didn’t know what that was. And then there were just other things now that make sense. You just chalk up to everyday life to work with small children and be good. Now I see that I just didn’t pay attention to much at the time.
Heather Nelson: And I feel like men are so, like you were saying, it took him a few days to even go to the doctor because they’re like, it’s fine, it’s fine. You’re like, no, something’s off. And it always takes them so long to be like, okay, let me go get help.
Christina Alonzo: And just like other things too. The kids and I talked about after, my birthday was in October, the diagnosis was in November, and he always made such a big deal out of holidays. He made everything so special. And every birthday of mine, he would decorate the house. He would go over the top with gifts, and he had been asking me what I wanted to do for my birthday. And I was like, nothing. Nothing, I don’t want anything. I don’t need anything, like. If I want something, I buy it. It was not a big deal. And he didn’t do anything for my birthday. This was the first time in 10 years he didn’t do anything for my birthday, and I didn’t think anything of it because I had said over and over, and over that I didn’t want anything. I didn’t need anything for my birthday, and so I didn’t think anything of it until after. And I was like, he would have never not done anything for my birthday. But I think after the fact, I thought about it like he didn’t think about it. It seems like after the diagnosis, I started noticing his short-term memory was all gone. I still play this game where I think about how long has his short-term memory been gone, and how much was just he memorizing, or how much was long-term memory because his long-term memory was intact. They told him he had brain cancer, that he wasn’t going to work, and he couldn’t retain that information, which almost was a blessing in disguise. He knew who we all were. He could tell you dates and things from the past, but he had no short-term memory.
Heather Nelson: In the four months, what was life like? Was he able to be bedridden, or was he able to go out and do things?
Christina Alonzo: He declined very, very quickly. So the day we went to the ER, he drove himself to work and home. He went in, they took him to UCS to, I can’t remember, we’ve had so many hospitals. He went to San Francisco to CPMC and had a brain biopsy. And it seems like once they messed with the tumor from there on out, he declined. He had trouble walking. His balance was really bad. He ended up having two massive seizures. He ended up with a pulmonary embolism. He declined very, very quickly. The chemo and the radiation did a number on his body, so he really didn’t walk much again. Maybe with my assistance, he could walk a little bit for maybe the first two weeks that he was home, but I mainly provided all care for him. He was at home. He was in and out of the hospital quite a bit, but he was mainly at home. With the brain biopsy, he spent like four days in the hospital. And then after the seizures, he spent a few days in the hospital. But he was mainly at home. And then when we found out about the blood clot, he was in the hospital for a few days, and then we brought him home. After that is when we chose to just do comfort care instead of continuing with the chemo and radiation. And then once we chose that, he was only in hospice for four days before he passed. And that was in March of 25.
Heather Nelson: If somebody was listening to this right now and is going through something like this, what advice, or what were some of the things that helped you get through this time?
Christina Alonzo: I think just taking in every moment that we had, even as hard as it was to watch him go through what he was going through, it was an honor to be able to take care of him at that time. I know that he would have done it for me in a heartbeat. I told my older kids that it’s a good lesson that you don’t marry somebody unless you’re willing to change diapers, feed them, give medications around the clock, and hold their hand while they are literally fighting for their life. Because it is hard to watch somebody you love go through something like that. And also take care of a toddler who does not understand why their dad, who was so full of life, can’t talk. She would say, why isn’t Dad talking to me? She would ask him to put on her shoes, and he physically couldn’t do it, and that was so hard for her because she didn’t understand why he couldn’t do it. Navigating her grief on top of my own, and going through it in real time, there’s always that question, is it better to have somebody die suddenly or watch them die? There’s no right answer. We went through it, we watched him go through it, and it was hard to watch somebody so healthy and full of life lose that.
And there was moments of clarity, like I said, I think there was like a blessing in disguise that he didn’t understand what was happening because I truly don’t think his heart could have handled knowing how much in pain that we were all in because there was nothing he wanted more than for all of us to be happy. Everything he did was for all of us, and so I don’t think that he could have handled it. I think he wouldn’t have cared for himself properly if he knew how much it was hurting us. But there were moments of clarity, like a couple days before he passed, he said to me, he hoped that I knew how much he loved me and how much he was going to miss me. And that for me not to be jealous that he was going to be with our boys. There were moments where he understood what was happening. But man, it was a lot. But I think given the nature of my job, I was able to spend every minute with him. I was able to be there with him, and be the one to take care of him. He didn’t have to go to rehab. I got to be there in the hospital with him, and I got to be here at home and take care of him, and so I’m grateful for that as hard as it was.
Heather Nelson: You kind of spent that time with him before. You’ve been through a ton of grief. My heart, I just get chills listening to your story and knowing what you’ve been through. Is your perception of life different now?
Christina Alonzo: Oh, yeah.
Heather Nelson: Because I think where my head and my heart sit right now is that we are constantly in human nature complaining about things. Like, this sucks about this, or this sucks about that. Sometimes we take for granted our health or our relationships, and things like that. So I guess my question is, if somebody is listening to this and it feels that way, as somebody who’s gone through such traumatic grief, what are some takeaways that you could give us that would help us to look at life in a different light?
Christina Alonzo: Since Curtis has passed, the way that I see things now is that we always think that we have time, and we don’t. There were so many things that we wanted to do, or thought that we had time to do, or plans that we wanted to make, and even simple things like returning a phone call, or planning a barbecue with friends, or things like that. There’s always things that you think you have time for, because other things take your time first, and you just don’t know. And so this last year, I’ve really focused on just saying yes as much as possible. I understand that we have to pay our bills. Everybody has to work. We live in Sonoma County where the cost of things are astronomical, but we also only get one life. We don’t know when that invisible clock is going to run out, and so you have to make time for people and things that are important to you. I am not wasting any more time worrying about things that aren’t necessarily important.
And yes, I need to make sure that I have money to pay all my bills, but I’m also not stressing out about eating at a restaurant that costs a little bit more money, or buying Addie something that is frivolous or whatnot because I want to enjoy the life that we have here and we’re not going to take it with us. We can’t take anything with us, and so we’re going to enjoy the time that we have and make those memories. And we did a lot of traveling this last year, saw a lot of friends that we’ve been meaning to see, going places that we’ve been wanting to go, and also not stressing out about things that aren’t really important. Curtis was never bothered. I used to say he was calm to my storm because everything to me was always an emergency, always. He was never bothered by anything. And the ironic thing is that they say that glioblastoma brain cancer is caused by a shift in your dna, and a shift in your dna is caused by stress, which is funny to me because he was never stressed. I’m the one who is always stressed, and so I have been trying, which isn’t going that well for me, but trying to be less stressed by things, and just live more like he did. Less bothered by things that aren’t as important, but I feel like more of us need to say yes to more things. And I think it’s harder to do when you haven’t been impacted by such hard things. I used to tell him, ironically, all the time too, that he took his job very seriously, which is not a bad thing.
But one of the things that had impacted me a lot from his death is that we received a termination email the night he died from his corporate office. They couldn’t even wait till the next day. They closed out his employee ID and all of that, the night, the day he died It just goes to show, it wasn’t like his co-workers, I’m sure, miss him. I’m sure they know he did a good job, but it just goes to show that you’re just a number. You spend your whole life, dedicated 22 years to a company, and I get that email the day he dies, and that still bothers me.
Heather Nelson: It’s a perspective that you give, give, give so much to other people, or to a job, or to a company for them to just do something like that, and you’re like, what was all that for? What was all this stress for? What were all those endless hours for?
Christina Alonzo: And that morning, he was like, I can’t go to the doctor, they need me there. You know what I mean? You just dedicate so much of yourself, and then you’re gone, and they move on. And sometimes, that’s a hard reality. But it’s just the way that it is, especially in a big corporate company. It’s not anything against a person, he was a good person, he was a hard worker, but companies still have to keep moving forward. Your family is the one who misses out on the time, and misses out on the memories and everything else, and so I think if I had a piece of advice to give to people who are like that or like him in that aspect, they will just move on, but your family is the one who will be missing something and someone.
Heather Nelson: That’s such a great reminder, for sure. I know we just had this conversation the other day about just being able to own your own business or to do your own thing, and how much freedom there is behind that to be able to pick up your kids from school. And yes, it’s stressful. But there’s so many more benefits to doing your own thing so thank you for sharing that. I know obviously that that is super triggering for you, and I appreciate you being open and honest about it. Because I do think I know a lot of people right now that are struggling with a spouse or a friend who’s battling cancer, and so I guess, my last question before we move that conversation is, as somebody who was in it, the thick of it, any advice for the people outside in your community, or your friends, or your family of ways to support a situation like that, and a hard time like that how we, as our community, can support them?
Christina Alonzo: Yeah. My number one tip is to just show up. I think that the hardest thing is sometimes you feel like you don’t know what to say, or don’t know what to do, and so you do nothing, and that makes people feel like you don’t care. And even though that’s 99.9% of the time not the case, when you say nothing and do nothing, that is hard. And so sometimes, even saying I don’t know what to say, or I don’t know what to do, but I’m here for you, or I’m thinking about you, or I love you goes a long way. Because when you do nothing or say nothing, that’s hurtful. And so even just saying that you don’t know what to do or say makes a big difference. And when somebody is in the midst of the thing, they don’t know what they need. And so asking them to make another decision is really overwhelming. So saying like, let me know if you need something isn’t helpful. And so if you know somebody who loves coffee, just drop it off on their doorstep, or send DoorDash with a coffee, or a meal, or whatnot. Because when you’re in the thick of it, you can’t make those decisions. And that I feel like that goes for when they lose somebody, lose a child, lose a spouse in the thick of postpartum, in the thick of dealing with a cancer diagnosis, just send whatever it is. Send a card, send the coffee, send the sandwich. Because asking somebody to make another decision can be so overwhelming because they don’t know what they need. They can’t even think clearly. And so having to think about anything else feels too overwhelming, and they’re not going to ask for the help, and it just feels like one more task on their plate.
Heather Nelson: Such a good reminder. Thank you for that. You’ve gone through an incredible weight loss journey. How much weight have you lost?
Christina Alonzo: Over 200 pounds, like insane. Like insane.
Heather Nelson: What was the point for you? How long have you been on this journey?
Christina Alonzo: Since October of 2023.
Heather Nelson: It’ll be three years this year.
Christina Alonzo: So in October of 2023 I started taking Semaglutide, a GLP-1, and I still am taking that. I am doing it for maintenance now, and the question I always get is, why am I still taking the GLP when I do not want to lose any more weight? And the short answer for that is I am doing it for the food noise. My biggest issue is that I have uncontrollable food noise, and I would not stop taking my medication for my thyroid. I would not stop taking the medication for my anxiety, and so as long as I can, I will continue to take the GLP for the food noise. I work very closely with my doctors. I get my labs drawn regularly just to make sure that everything is in line, and I stay on the GLP to manage that as well.
Heather Nelson: So obviously, you’re a supporter of it. I think it was one of my last few episodes of the last season, I had someone on who also went through that journey, but also created an app around it. I learned a lot about it because I think there’s a lot of stigma behind it. Everyone’s like, oh, you can just take a shot and then lose this weight. Or how you’re gonna have to continue taking this medication for the rest of your life. Also, there were so many things. But the one thing that I took away from that conversation was the food noise, and I’m like, oh, that’s really a thing. And then the more that I thought about it, I was like, oh, yeah. I’m constantly, what’s for dinner? What am I having for lunch? Oh, we’re going out to dinner. Let me look at the menu. I’m constantly thinking about food, and I’d never even thought of it. So for me, that was like a huge wake-up call why people take it.
Christina Alonzo: Yeah. So unless you deal with that, it’s not something people even realize, right? And people are like, oh, well, just don’t think about it, or just count calories or macros. Well, that makes it worse. Because when you battle with food noise and you do something, like count calories, then you’re constantly thinking about that even more. So what am I going to eat? How many calories is that? Then it gets even more constant. So one of the things for me with this journey is that food has no moral value. Food is not good or bad. Food is just food. It’s supposed to be meant for just fuel. And one of the things that I’ve been able to do this time around is that I’ve been able to use it that way, which I’ve never been able to do before. Because I’ve done lots and lots of diets before. I’ve lost weight before. I’ve lost a significant amount of weight before, but it’s consumed every part of my life. And it’s been extreme because the noise has been constant. It’s been, what can I eat? When can I eat? How much can I eat? Weighing and measuring. Where can I go? People would ask, what can you have? Now, I can have whatever I want when I want if I want something. Or if I don’t want something, when I’m full, and when I’m hungry, which has never been a thing before. And honestly, I feel like if it wasn’t for the tool of the GLP, I would have probably put on the weight that I lost when Curtis was sick and when he had passed, because food has always been an emotional thing for me.
Heather Nelson: Totally. How do you feel your mental state is now that you’ve lost weight? Do you feel like a whole new person? Because I know, especially when we’re a little heavier, we have all these thoughts about ourselves, right? How has your mindset changed since taking it?
Christina Alonzo: Going back just really quickly, if I can to Curtis, I also feel like if I hadn’t lost the weight, I would not have been able to care for him like I did, and so I would not have been able to lift him. He was tall and big, and I would not have been able to push him in the wheelchair like I was. I would not have been able to get him in and out of bed and move him to change the briefs, and to get him into the shower, and out of the shower, and do all of those things at 300 pounds. There would have been no way I would do it to physically care for him like I needed to when I was heavy. I didn’t even think about that, that needed to happen in order for me to be able to physically care for him. I used to be one of those people who said everything happens for a reason. I don’t necessarily believe that now. There’s been too many shitty things that have happened, I think, that sometimes bad things just happen. But I do think that you can find meaning and find positive things that happen from those shitty things.
One of those examples that I’ve given recently is that Asher lived 18 days in the NICU before he died, and that was just a really shitty thing. He had a very rare genetic disease that not a lot of people have had. There’s only been a handful of cases worldwide. It’s just one of those freak things that have happened. Curtis and I weren’t carriers, it was just one of those really bad lucks to draw things. He was on ECMO, the highest form of life support, which led Curtis and I to have some really tough conversations about life support and end of life care, and things that normal people in their late 30s and early 40s don’t have, especially when they’re that young. People just don’t have those conversations, and Curtis and I had a lot of those conversations about, what would happen if we were in a coma? What would happen if this or that? What we would want. Normal people just don’t have those kinds of conversations, especially when they’re so young, and we had a lot of those conversations while Asher was sick, and after Asher had passed.
So when Curtis got sick and his short-term memory was gone, I had to make decisions for him on what kind of care he was going to have. I knew exactly what he would want because we had those conversations. And if Asher hadn’t been sick, and if we didn’t go through that with Asher, I might not have known exactly what he wanted. We were together for a long time, so I knew generally what he would choose. But I knew exactly what to do for him because we had those conversations, which we might not have had yet because we were still so young. But because we had been through that together, I knew exactly what to do. And now I still like, did I do the right thing? Because it’s just human nature, but I know that I did. I know that he would have wanted me to try with the chemo and radiation even though we know it was a hail mary. I knew he would have wanted me to try, and I know that he wanted me to stop when we did. I know that I made the right choice even though sometimes I still question it. But if we wouldn’t have gone through what we went with Asher, we might not have had that conversation yet. Because usually, people wait until they’re later in life to have those kinds of tough conversations, which is another good reminder to have those conversations because you just don’t know.
Heather Nelson: But nobody wants to have them, right? It’s that uncomfortable conversation. Nobody wants to think of that. But how much more set up for success would you be if you had that conversation?
Christina Alonzo: Yeah. And it is uncomfortable. You don’t want to have to have those conversations. But again, we aren’t promised tomorrow.
Heather Nelson: Yeah. Such a great reminder. Christina, what’s life like now for you? What I mean, obviously, I’m sure you have good and bad days, but what is life like now with you and your daughter?
Christina Alonzo: So we are trying to just live in the moment, enjoy life as much as we can. Addie, she misses her dad quite a bit. I mean, we all do. We try to keep his memory alive as much as we can. We are so grateful that I have the job that I do because we have documented so much of our life, and so we have so many videos and photos. And Curtis was such a great dad. He reads to her every night, and we have all of that. He would just record, it’s almost like he knew, but he didn’t know, if that makes sense. He would read to her, and he would just set up the camera and record himself reading to her. We have her like Yoto box him reading to her so he can read her bedtime stories still. She’s only four, but she talks about him, and we try to keep his memory alive as much as we can. Her and I just try to enjoy life as much as we can, make those memories, and do things that he enjoyed. We still try to keep the family dinner with the big kids and things that were important to all of us, and say yes as much as possible.
Heather Nelson: My last question for you is, what is that one thing, that one takeaway, you’ve given us so many takeaways, there’s so many things that I’m just like, yeah, put in perspective things. What’s the one thing that you think someone needs to hear from this conversation today?
Christina Alonzo: Just say yes as much as possible. Enjoy the time that you do have. That’s been my biggest takeaway from all of this is, just say yes as much as possible.
Heather Nelson: Christina, thank you. Thank you for again being open to the conversation. I know that you are going to help so many people that are going through a situation like this, or even listening to this story. And if that happens to them, how they can manage it, or even just have a resource to reach out to. I think the other thing is like building this community of women who have gone through hard things and be like, shit, I’m going through this too. Who can I reach out to get support from, or get advice from? I just want to thank you for sharing your story. Again, I love watching you, and all the things that you’re doing. You look incredible, and I’m just so honored to have you here today.
Christina Alonzo: Thank you.
Heather Nelson: That’s a wrap on today’s episode of Her Story Unscripted. If something you heard today made you feel a little more seen, a little less alone, or just got you thinking, that’s exactly why we’re here. If this episode resonated with you, I’d love for you to share it with another woman in your life who needs to hear it. And if you haven’t already, make sure you subscribe wherever you listen, or catch us on YouTube so you never miss a conversation. I’m Heather Nelson. Thank you for being here, for listening, and for showing up for real stories. I’ll see you next week.
It started as a normal weekend. By Tuesday, Christina Alonzo was sitting in an ER telling the doctor everything she had been quietly noticing for days. By Wednesday, the diagnosis was in: glioblastoma — an aggressive, inoperable brain cancer. Her husband Kurtis was 44 years old and had never even had a cold. From the date of diagnosis to the date of his death was four months.
In this episode of Her Story Unscripted, Christina Alonzo returns to the podcast three years after her first appearance to share the story of the year that changed everything. She opens up about becoming Kurtis’s full-time caregiver while raising a toddler, navigating impossible medical decisions, and the termination email from his employer that arrived the very night he died. She also shares the story of her 200-pound weight loss journey — and how losing the weight became something far more significant than she ever expected when Kurtis got sick. This is an honest conversation about grief, love, and what it actually looks like to keep living when someone you love is gone.
For any woman who has ever taken time for granted, avoided a hard conversation, or wondered how anyone survives something this big — this episode is an unscripted reminder that life is shorter and more sacred than we let ourselves believe. New episodes every Thursday on all major podcast platforms.
Episode Highlights:
- 00:00 Cold open — Christina on the invisible clock
- 00:49 Heather introduces Her Story Unscripted
- 01:15 Welcoming Christina back — three years and a lot of life later
- 02:21 The normal weekend that wasn’t — Curtis gets sick
- 5:28 The ER visit and the diagnosis — glioblastoma
- 7:15 Choosing chemo and radiation — a hail mary for a 44-year-old in perfect health
- 12:18 How quickly he declined, and what caregiving looked like at home
- 14:18 Curtis’s death in March 2025 — four months after diagnosis
- 18:55 What helped Christina survive this season
- 22:13 The termination email the night he died
- 27:22 200 pounds lost — and how the GLP-1 journey intersected with Curtis’s care
- 25:10 How to actually show up for someone in grief
- 36:10 Life now — Addie, memory-keeping, and saying yes
- 38:03 Christina’s one takeaway for the listener
Full Transcript:
Us, as women, we feel like we have to show up and say things a certain way. We are told, and we’ve grown through life being quiet, that we can’t speak our mind. That men always led first, and it was this like no-no of women being authentic and talking about their story.
Heather Nelson: Welcome to Her Story Unscripted. I’m your host, Heather Nelson, a connector, business strategist, and someone who truly believes that the most powerful conversations happen when we stop performing and start being real. This podcast is a space for women to share honest, unscripted conversations about life, growth, and the experiences that have shaped who we are. No perfectly polished narratives, no pressure to have it all figured out, just real, authentic stories told exactly as they are.
Hi everyone, welcome to Her Story Unscripted. My very first episode under the new brand, and I am so excited. I have so much to fill you in on. I have so much that I want to talk about, and so welcome. Buckle in, grab a cup of coffee, grab a water, go out on a walk, whatever it is, tune in. I’m just so excited. I am so full of joy, and I’m just gonna dive right in.
So if you’re new to the podcast, welcome. My name is Heather Nelson. Formally, my last podcast name was Life Conversations With a Twist, and we will talk about what that entails. But I just redid my whole entire podcast. The concept will stay the same. The name is different, the brand is different, and the goals are so much more different, and so I’m just so excited. This has been so much work, and I will dive into what that looked like. But again, if you’re new, I have been podcasting for five years, so I don’t even know where to start.
So let’s fast forward five years ago where the concept of me being a podcaster even came about. So if you don’t know my journey, I have been in the hospitality space for over 25 years. I’ve worked in hotels, restaurants and rental companies. I’ve supported so many different people in our industry. And what kept happening is, every time I would show up to a meeting, I’d sit down, I’d meet someone for the first time, usually women, and we would get to talking and getting to know each other, and then they would tell me their whole entire life story. I mean, things that they might not have shared with other people, but I’ve created this energy to allow people to kind of tell me a lot. I’ve always been the sound reward for not even just women and what they’ve gone through, but just in life. I’ve built enough trust for people to rely on me to tell me things, or to have candid conversations around how they feel, or how they move forward. So I’ve always had this kind of coaching mentality.
Actually. I remember specifically sitting in one lunch meeting, and I had a girlfriend friend through industry, but also became really close to tell me about her journey with her child who had autism and learning disabilities, and all the crazy things that her life had, that she had gone through. I just sat there thinking to myself, man, so hard. Especially coming from a place where I haven’t experienced anything like that. But there was this moment in time where when she was telling me her story, I’m like, there’s got to be other women that are going through the same thing. And not only in just the situation, but all the conversations I had over the years with all of these women about certain things that have come up in their life, whether it’s losing their child to cancer, or a victim of sex trafficking, or divorce, or career changes, or hard times with their children, whatever it might be.
Us, women, we go through a lot, and we’re not alone. We’re not the only ones dealing with this, so I’m like, how can I create a space where I have women who are ready to share their story, to talk about what they’ve learned, to talk about their journey. And also, I think the most important thing is how they’ve come out on the other side? Because sometimes when you’re in the mess of a hard situation, it’s really hard to see the other side, and how a positive thing could come out of something so horrible, or something so hard, or something so challenging. But there’s this beautiful moment that happens on the other side where growth happens, and empowerment happens. And so, how can I create a space that we can have these conversations and be able to inspire and empower other women who might be going through the same thing? Or to create a space where, oh, my gosh, this lady has gone through this. I would love to connect with her. Maybe she has resources on how I can get through X, whatever the situation might be. So that is really the brainchild and the heart that I wanted to come to the table with these podcasts, and these interviews, and these guests.
So five years ago, I was like, I had this idea. I want to be a podcaster, and how do I create conversation? So that’s where the name Life Conversations With the Twist came about. The reason why it started that way is because ideally, what I had envisioned for the brand was come over to my house, let’s sit down in my lounge with a glass of wine, and have these conversations. That’s what I really wanted. That feeling to be, and that twist was that one hard thing that you had gone through.
Fast forward five years, I’ve had over 200 episodes. So I’ve interviewed about 160 women all over the world. A lot of my guests have been here, local to Sonoma County, which is where I live. But then also, I’ve expanded all over the world, and it has been truly something so special to me. Because not only has it inspired me, but I get DMs all the time. Or I see people out and about, and they’re like, your podcast is so inspiring. It’s what I need. It makes me feel less alone. And so that is why I’ve continued to do it. So to be super transparent, I’ve never loved the name Live Conversations With a Twist, for some reason. When I say it, it was just too long. And when you hear it, you kind of understand maybe what it’s about. But I really wanted the new brand name to be something that I can say one time, and you know exactly what you’re going to show up, and what this podcast is all about.
So this all started about a year ago. I had this idea, I really think I do a rebrand. I just want to elevate it again. After you’ve been podcasting for five years, every single week for five years, the consistency, I have that down. But where I really wanted to see growth is to make this podcast even bigger, even better, have even more crazier stories on. I want to broaden my reach. I want this podcast to go international and beyond. I really want it to be this thing that I’m known for.
I’ve been battling with certain parts of my career. I still love leaning in. I also own a business called the Connection Hive, which is all about helping and supporting small businesses in the hospitality space, create some strategy, and know how to move their business forward creating relationships and collaborations. And so I’ve been doing a lot of work in that. But when I really sit with it, it’s something that I’m passionate about, and I know I have so much experience and so much to share with the world, but there was still something missing in my heart. I also have an event labor company, which is called Set & Strike, and that is an event labor company here in Sonoma County, Napa County. We support people in our industry for labor needs. So we work with a lot of wineries, venues and festivals, and anybody who needs labor support. I love that business because it keeps my foot in the door in hospitality, and it allows me to be a business owner, learn, and do payroll, and kind of feed that entrepreneur soul that I have. And so that has been so fruitful, and I love it.
It’s been our biggest money maker in all of our businesses, so I’m continuing to lean into that. But I was struggling last year . What is next for me? The connection hive, I love, but it wasn’t fueling the soul. Set & Strike is great, but it’s again, not something that I’m super passionate about. So the podcast is something that I’ve always been passionate about. It’s something that I truly love. It’s something that, every time I interview a woman, I feel like she is on my podcast that day for a reason. Whatever it is that she is gonna pour out into my guests, she’s like pouring into my heart, and it’s exactly what I need in my life for that day.
And as I’ve been transitioning into this new brand, I haven’t been interviewing as much. I just started this last week of interviewing again, and my heart and energy is so different. I didn’t interview for like three months, and I was like, God, something’s missing. There’s not that drive there anymore. There’s not that passion there. I’m like, what is it? And I realized that it’s all about not having my people, my interviews. I didn’t have anybody here to feel my cup, and so that’s when I really knew that podcasting is where I want to be. I am such a curious person by nature. I love having conversations with women. I love having hard conversations. I love learning. I love asking questions to peel back the onions to understand a little bit more about their story, where they come from, and what they’ve learned from it. I think that’s something that naturally comes to me, which is why I think podcasting is exactly where I want to be.
So as I sat here last year, I was like, I need to do something different. I was like, I just want to rip the band aid off and start fresh. I mean, I have so much content. I have so many amazing interviews that people will still have access to, but how do I elevate it? And so I was fortunate to get into this small mastermind class that I use to grow The Connection Hive and kind of build out that business. And they also offer a rebranding package. I’ve been working with them since, oh, I think it’s been since like November when we started the process. And what I loved about this process is it really made me sit down and understand what my mission is. What are my values? What do I need to lean into? Where do I want to put my energy? Who are the guests that I want to have on? What is the story that I want to tell? Who are my competitors? Who is somebody that I look up to? I want to not do the same thing, but use it as a foundation. So we did all this work, it was like pages, and pages, and pages of research, and really exploring everything. And so it was such a cool process to be a part of. And so once that’s done, which takes a while, it goes into the branding world.
And let me tell you, naming a podcast, naming a business is like naming your child. It had to be the perfect name. And I knew once I heard it, it was going to be like, yes, that’s exactly what it is. And I knew I wanted something with authentic and women’s stories. And again, how does the name of the podcast, as soon as I say it, people know exactly what it is? And so I think we had hundreds of different words, and one of the words that stuck with me was unscripted. So when I got my first list of names, I would go through and say, yay, nay. And the word unscripted kind of just sat with me.
I had lunch with one of my best friends, and she was with me when we got the first list. There were so many versions of authentic unscripted or something with her story, and so it was kind of her idea and us talking together to be like, ooh, her story unscripted. And I was down to a few others. I had them listed on my whiteboard for weeks, had it on my whiteboard in my kitchen because I wanted to keep looking at them, and I wanted to see which one resonated with me, and I landed on her story unscripted> And the reason I did that is because there’s lots of reasons. But I think the main reason was us as women, we feel like we have to show up and say things a certain way. We are told, and we’ve grown through life being quiet, that we can’t speak our mind. That men always kind of led first, and it was this like no-no of women being authentic and talking about their story.
I think back to all the shows that I’ve watched, like Queen Elizabeth, and they were so miserable, and they were so unhappy. So many horrible things happened to them. And you think about all these things that are coming out with the Epstein files, and women have been told to be quiet. Or whatever story they tell has to be a lie, or has to be made up. It can’t be the real truth. And so what I loved about the word unscripted is that it allows women to show up unscripted. And even when I interview a guest, I don’t give them a list of questions. I’m like, I might give them a topic that I want to lean into based on what I know about them, or what they’ve told me about them. But I really want it to be these organic, authentic conversations about their life. And I want them to show up unscripted. I don’t want them to show up and say, well, I have to say this because X, Y, Z. No, I want you to show up and be truthful, and authentic, and the real you, and so that is where the unscripted kind of came in.
And I, for years since I’ve been doing podcasting, every time I meet somebody and they talk about themselves and their stories, I’m like, you have a story to tell. We all have stories to tell. We all have journeys, we’ve all been through things, and some of us are worse than others. Some are really traumatic, or grieving, or a lot of messiness in between. But we all have a story to tell. And so that is where Her Story Unscripted came because I want a woman to show up and tell their story unscripted, authentic. Let’s be like, no bullshit. Let’s just lay it all out there, have those hard conversations and talk about the things that people don’t necessarily talk about or ask. And I am so willing to ask those questions. I feel like over the years, I’ve gotten better about how I asked them to make them feel comfortable. So that is the new name, Her Story Unscripted, welcome.
So again, still a similar concept to what I’ve done over the past five years. But really just a new name, a new look, a new feel, new fresh. You’ll start to see on my social media. I went through old graphics that I used or old old ways of doing things, and so it was kind of cool to explore the journey of where I was when I first started to where I am today. And I truly believe that us women can lead the world in a different place. And I think that there is something super special about women showing up and being their true selves to inspire and empower others. I think the more we do that, and the more we feel comfortable doing that, the more powerful we are together, and the more change can happen in this world. So that is my mission, and that is what I want to continue to do.
I keep putting out there in the world, I want to be like the next Mel Robbins. Not necessarily what her podcast is or what it’s about, but how she is known for. That’s what she’s known for. I want to be known as a podcaster. I have so many big goals in this podcasting space. I want to be the number one podcaster here in Sonoma County. I want to be a top podcaster. I want to be asked to interview people. I truly love this work, and I want to continue to do it, and so it’s been such a process.
Once we came up with the name, that was one of the things I fed the branding team is my colors, my feel, my looks, as you can see by my background, this is me. I love black and white. If you don’t know me, I love leopard print. I love green plants. So you’ll see a lot of that in my branding, and it truly feels like me. I can’t wait to get it out in the world. I can’t wait to continue to have these powerful women coming on the podcast to tell their story. There’s so much I see for this podcast. And taking a break from The Connection Hive and really leaning into the podcast, I know that it can be so much more. So you’re going to see more social media from me, you’re going to see more emails from me. This will be my focus. This is what I’m set out to do. This is the work that I want to continue to do.
I just want to say thank you. If you’ve been a listener through my last five years, thank you. Thank you for consistently showing up each week. What I really would hope from everybody here is that if you listen to an episode or you think some of these stories resonate with someone in your life, please share it with them. This is how the podcast grows, right? I think that my growth has been great, but I think I have room for so much more, and I’m on a mission to get there. So again, please subscribe to this, and share it on social media. Again, if there’s a story that resonates with you, put it out on social, get it out there, leave a review, do all the things to support. Because again, that’s how I’m able to grow. That’s how I can get even more amazing guests on this podcast, and so much more. So that is kind of what you’re gonna expect from me.
In my last podcast, I also did some solo episodes. Obviously, this is a solo episode, but this is my launch episode so I wanted to give everybody a little taste of what is to come, and what has gone on behind the scenes. So please continue to show up and support this. And there was a reason why I said that, and it will come back to me. But I’m just so excited. I’m just so excited. This has been such a process between the branding, and then the look and feel.
And then I got a photo shoot done. I got to work with my amazing friend Alicia Park, shout out to her, who’s done all of my branding photos. She came into my home because my home is a beautiful place, and it feels just like me. And so it was really fun to do a photo shoot here in my office and in my living room, and so I just am really thankful for her. And the vision she sees it is super exciting. So you’ll see more of that. I know what I was getting at.
I wanted to talk about the solo episodes versus the regular episodes. My mind is all over the place because I’m so excited. So it was Life Conversations With a Twist. I obviously interviewed mostly people, but I would pop in from time to time to do a little check-in. Or if there was something that happened in my life that I felt the need to talk about, I haven’t decided if I want to do that or not because most of my downloads and the listeners like the interview style. But I do think that there is some power in me talking through some of my own personal things.
If you, again, are new here, or just kind of tuning in, or haven’t listened to a lot of podcasts, I’m rooted here in Sonoma County. I have four children, a blended family. I have a stepdaughter who’s out in college. I have a daughter who’s in high school. A son in middle school. And a little four year old who’s in TK. I’ve been through divorce. I remarried. I’m working through a blended family. I have a biracial family husband. Our family is biracial. I’ve been through a surrogacy journey and about to go down my second. I’m an entrepreneur. I have two businesses. I’m a podcaster. I’m very connected to the community. So that’s just a little bit about me. I think there’s a lot of things that I’ve done that I think others can get a lot of value from, and so I still might pop on from time to time to do a little solo episode, maybe it’s like a check-in. I still haven’t figured out what that is.
I also have played around with maybe doing a little surrogacy season when I get through what we’re going through. That’s again another podcast. But I do think there’s a lot of value in having other people in the surrogacy space, whether they are a surrogate, or an attended parent, or somebody that’s in the health system, or an agency talking about what that is, because I think that’s another topic that needs to be talked about more. So those are all kind of in the works at the moment, but I’m here for this podcast. I cannot wait to see it grow again.
I am just so thankful for everybody who’s shown up and supported me. And if you’re new, welcome. I hope you enjoy what you hear. Again, reviews are super important. If there’s a guest in your world, or somebody in your world that you think their story needs to be heard, please have them reach out to me. I’m definitely open to any and all guests. I’ve been very lucky enough that I get reached out to on a daily basis with guests from all over the world, but I do find value, and there’s certain topics that I think resonate more. I have my pulse on what’s going on in the world. I have a pulse about what’s going on in our communities. I have a pulse on what women need right now. And so when I am finding guests, I really want to lean into what I know people want to hear, and then ask the questions that we want to know, so that is my focus on how I interview people.
So thank you again. I know I rambled. I hope I made sense again. There’s just so much excitement behind this new brand, and I already have so many episodes recorded that are coming at you. They will still be released on Thursdays. You’re gonna get so much social media and emails from me. Sorry, not sorry, but I just want to get the word out there and share these beautiful stories, so thank you again. I can’t wait to see you next week.
That’s a wrap on today’s episode of Her Story Unscripted. Is something you heard today made you feel a little more seen, a little less alone, or just got you thinking that’s exactly why we’re here? If this episode resonated with you, I’d love for you to share it with another woman in your life who needs to hear it. And if you haven’t already, make sure you subscribe wherever you listen, or catch us on YouTube so you never miss a conversation. I’m Heather Nelson. Thank you for being here, for listening, and for showing up for real stories. I’ll see you next week.