Dr. Shola Sulaimon: So before you move on, I think what I will say is find a hobby outside of work, and you will find out most women don’t have an escape outside of work, outside of work or family. You have to find an escape where you know that you’re bringing in something, and then you’re valued, and your copy is being filled. And it doesn’t have to be anything related to the kind of work you’re doing. It could be volunteer in a retirement home, it could be volunteer where you know a nursery, it could be volunteer at your church, it could be volunteering at your mosque, where you know they need people which your expertise in concrete and you bring that in and you realize, oh, my gosh, I’m having value.

Heather Nelson: Welcome to Her Story Unscripted. I’m your host, Heather Nelson, a connector, business strategist, and someone who truly believes that the most powerful conversations happen when we stop performing and start being real. This podcast is a space for women to share honest, unscripted conversations about life, growth and the experiences that have shaped who we are. No perfectly polished narratives, no pressure to have it all figured out, just real, authentic stories told exactly as they are. 

Welcome everyone to Her Story Unscripted. I am so excited for this conversation today. I have Dr. Shola on. We just met. I guess it was last month in a Sonoma County women’s professional group, I actually had the pleasure of speaking, and I kind of came out of the conversation like, how you build relationships and some tips and tricks. But you instantly came over to me after speaking, and your energy and your excitement, that immediate connection that you wanted to have with me, I was like, my heart was so full. And you’re actually one of the most memorable people that I interacted with that day, so thank you for being here. I cannot wait to have this conversation.

Dr. Shola Sulaimon: Thank you so much. Honestly, I think I go for places. I think for you, I can sense the authenticity in what she wanted to do for women. I’ve been incorporated for how many years. And sometimes, you know when people are putting up that fakeness for the show. But for you, you spoke from your heart, and I could sense it. I said, you know what? I wanted to connect with her. Because again, you’re warm. You know people love warm, authentic people, and you were ready there to serve. I will say, Heather, thank you for the opportunity. Thank you for making me on your podcast, and I’m hoping part of this can be things we can share with the broader community. Not only Sonoma County women professionals, but worldwide, globally. Your podcast continues to blow and continues to inspire and empower women, and just making them know they’re not alone in that space of what they’re thinking.

Heather Nelson: It’s so true. Everything you said is my why behind my podcast. That’s when I knew that I would have conversations with women, and I just knew that I had something in me that I had to have this platform. And I think right now is more important than ever for women to start speaking up to tell their stories and motivating other women to rise up. I get chills because it’s like, we are so much more powerful together, and how do we lean on each other to learn, to inspire, to connect. I think there’s so many important things about us women telling our story and our journeys, and so I can’t wait to dive in. I know all of my stories are very dynamic and different, which is what I love. But what I love about this conversation today is your career, and a woman moving through in higher positions. But probably, I have a feeling based on what I know. You get to a point where you feel stuck, or you hit a ceiling, or you’re not happy anymore, and how do you take the initiative to do something different, and do something bigger, and something that is true to your heart. So I think this will be a conversation that’s going to resonate with so many women.

Dr. Shola Sulaimon: I think you know, Heather, because I think you know in life that we have journeys and you have phases in your life. I want to take women back. When you’re in high school, you know what your dream is. The next thing is you want to get married, isn’t it? You want to have kids, then you want to have your career, and then you have to balance between having your career and raising the kids, just trying to do that. If you’re a very ambitious woman, you want to climb up the ladder. You’re doing that, and it’s pulling on you as part of your authenticity, and then you reach a point where you reach your stuck. When I say stuck, you realize within where you’re at, you can go further, and it’s time where you start having those conversations internally in your heart. And it’s not easy I think, when your mother, you have a family, you have responsibility, you can’t just pull the trigger. There’s no right or wrong. You can’t feel that what you are doing to yourself is less. I think one thing I always say is when you become a mother, it’s no longer about you anymore. You have to think about the broader community, and the broader community is your family. 

Family will come first. You’re trying to protect them, trying to preserve them and then your career, and you kind of have that conflict. How do you navigate it? I will say where I am right now, it was meant to be. Sometimes, I don’t want to say the universe is almighty because I’m a woman of faith. The almighty creator tells you that it’s time for you to pivot, it’s time for you to do something. And sometimes, you might be a hard hit, not listening, something happens to you, and then you have to start reinventing yourself. It’s uncomfortable. But you know what they say, Heather? Growth happens when you’re uncomfortable because you push yourself in things you will not normally do in that sense. So I think that’s going to be the last piece of the advice I’ll give to women. We’re stuck in the same, the routine, the safety, the security. 

I want to say that it’s not wrong, it is just how we’re wired. But you’re going to find out that you reach a certain point in your life and you realize that you want more, you want to challenge the status quo. You want to be doing things when you’re in your authentic self that you’re not just working for, I want to say, and I’m trying to be really poised in what I say in the sense that you’re being your true authentic self, you’re being free, you’re being creative. You’re not put in the box of where an organization is telling you what to do. I’m saying there’s no wrong in that, but it’s about growth when you’re 25, when you’re 30. Yes, it’s fine. But when you start reaching your 50s, you have wisdom, you have parents, and then you start asking yourself those things you thought made sense. And it made sense back then, but it’s all about, I think, evolution. Higher self is meant to be, so I think that’s for me, that’s where I am right now. There’s no right or wrong. You have to go through that journey, and you’re going to see yourself. You’re going to come to that point where you’re going to think about, is this serving my higher purpose? Is the serving mine? How are you? 

Your body is going to tell you, your mind is going to tell you in that sense. So I think for women, it’s when you get to the point, just be open, lean into it, and you’re not going to have, one thing I will say is it’s not going to be a book. This is not going to be a script, Heather, to the unknown. Because I think for us women, and I always say, I tell people, because as a leader, 80%, we need structure. 20%, it’s open. We can draw however you want to, but I think we live our life in most parts in the structure piece trying to vent ourselves. There’s going to be no structure. You’re going to have to be open to all the possibilities. Try new things. They’re going to be uncomfortable. And sometimes, you’re going to ask yourself, what am I doing? Sometimes, you’re going to think, I probably should have been in the security I had. Your nice job. But you’re going to see that there’s going to be a lot of beauty in opening yourself, learning new things, going out of your comfort zone. But I think for me, that’s the beauty of where I am right now versus the structure, the truth, the tried and tested. You have to be comfortable with that, and that’s where it happens.

Heather Nelson: Absolutely. Oh, I can resonate. I have so many notes that I took during that, because it’s so true. I even think lately I’ve been feeling stuck. Not necessarily stuck in the direction that I want my career to go, but just my day-to-day thing. Because I am very structured, I’m very routine, I have my checklist every day I got to do, and I’m not feeling happy with that. It’s not sitting well with me, and so I’m like, okay, I need to shake things up. I need to do something different, whether I just reached out to a new gym. And so maybe incorporating a gym thing in the morning or just something. So repeat, repeat, repeat, and it’s fine because you’re moving forward. But it’s almost boring, and it’s not fun anymore, and it’s not exciting. Everyone always says to me, you’ve always just changed, you’re always into new things, or you’re trying new things. Because you get to a point where you feel stuck and you just want to keep trying and doing more, and finding your joy in that. 

Dr. Shola Sulaimon: So one thing I will say, a lot of women feel stuck because we feel we have to be doing everything all over. We need to be super women. You got to take them in school. I gotta be at the bake sale. I gotta do this. I think something we don’t realize. And I’ll tell you, Heather, I was speaking to my sister. She’s my youngest sister. She’s out there in Canada, Calgary, Canada. I always call her, she’s my smart one, very strategic. I’m one of five girls, we’re six in our family. I have a sister, and we talk through life itself. They’re all professional. Part of the thing I noticed is we all want to be perfect. We want everything to look picture perfect.

And sometimes, Heather, as I get older, I always admire the women that say I’ll leave it on my own terms. Because you know what? You are not leaving for the gallery. You’re doing it for yourself. And when you end up doing things for yourself, you come at peace. You are not trying to make a show for people. And I will tell you, your tribe will always love you regardless. We women, we need to learn, we need to know who our tribe is. Your tribe, regardless if you’re a man, if you’re a bitch, if you’re anything, they know that is who you are, and they will accept you for who you are. But in most cases, I see us as women as pleasers. We always want to be liked. And sometimes, the likeness is to our disservice because it might just be the people that are not going to be reciprocal towards that likeness in what we’re doing, and this is where we need to have that sense to know where your tribe is. It’s been nice, it’s been kind. Kindness is different from niceness. 

And also not letting myself be a pushover. Because when people are gonna come to you, if they know you’re too nice, they’ll come with crap to you. But once they know that, I gotta come straight to Heather, excuse my line, I can’t come with bullshit to Heather. I can’t come with fakeness to Heather. Heather’s gonna call me out on that shit, yep. I think it’s for us, you’re gonna have friends that would treat you because you have the same values, they have the same respect, they’re being mindful, they’re being thoughtful, and those are kind of going to be easier people to work with. I think that’s the one thing I realized for us as women is how we have to make sure that you got to be your authentic self. And sometimes, I’m sorry to say, you’re gonna have to be a bitch. 

Heather Nelson: That is hard for me because I’m not. I need to be, though, because I’ve let people step on the boundaries. You need to have the boundaries, and you need to be like, no, not okay. No, I’m not doing this.

Dr. Shola Sulaimon: It is. I think you’re gonna find folks that are, and I always say in life, you have to have that ability to see who are the takers and who are the givers. If you’re a giver, you’re gonna find that people are always gonna take from you. I got that point where I was always given and given, given. And get to a point where you realize it’s like, I’m always giving. And you get to a certain age, I will say that where you self reflect and you do an evaluation on your life, Heather, you realize that some people got to go. And that’s because, I always say that there’s a season. Yep, it’s like a book. They’re chapters, and everybody comes to your life for a season. Isn’t it? You like them, they learn from you. And sometimes, you grow, and either both of you grow together. 

Or you are growing, and the other person is still stuck in there, and you have to realize that it’s okay. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them less, you just know where your higher being is calling for. It’s like in marriages, isn’t it? I don’t want to bring it. It’s like in marriages, a relationship. They get married, they’re in love. You think it’s forever, and then people grow, and you go on different paths. And it’s okay. Doesn’t mean you love the person less, but right now, either that person is not serving your higher purpose, your higher good, isn’t it? And at the end of the day, we always want to be better. For me, I always want to be better than yesterday. My father will say, don’t rest on your laurels.

Heather Nelson: So good. Have you always had this mindset? Because I think that as we go through life, obviously, we get stronger. As you were mentioning, the older we get, the more wise we get, the more experience we have, the more we don’t want to take bullshit. But have you always had this mindset? Or did something happen through your journey of your career, or your everyday life that made you more aware to do more personal development, and to see things in a different light.

Dr. Shola Sulaimon: I think for me, I’d been aware. I think one of the persons I’d been aware of was my mom. My mother when I was growing up, she was a leader. She was firm. She always wanted people to deal with her straight. You come straight, I’ll deal with you straight. You don’t come straight, then I kind of have to. I learned that a little bit from my mom. But I’ll tell you, I wasn’t this kind of person. I will tell you in my teen years, in my early years, I was nicer. You always wanted to be liked, you wanted to get along with everybody. It’s a lot of things. But then as you walk your way through your career, to different lives, you have to grow. I’ve taken leadership classes, and those are part of the things, I want to say that have emboldened me, honestly. And when you take women leadership classes, I always recommend women to take that because it ends up emboldening you on how to navigate this life situation itself. But I will tell you, Heather, I’d been in incorporate for 20 years. And when I started, I started in clinical. You learn when you work with different people, cross-functional people, different backgrounds, different values, you end up learning how it has to be your voice, isn’t it? It has your voice. 

And I think when it’s your voice, your voice has to be something that is not rude, not a jerk. You just have to be assertive. You have to be able to speak up honestly. And sometimes when you speak up, it might not be something that’s popular, and that’s what leadership is all about. Leadership, I always say, is not a popularity contest. It’s not you’re being liked. Sometimes, you will do the fun things, you’ll make the decisions for the fun things. And sometimes, you’ll make the decisions for the hard things. And that’s what leadership is all about. And it’s also making the clarity for people to have the vision of, where do we need to be going in that sense? I wouldn’t say I was built like this, but I think you know how it is. It’s how you’re formed through years. It’s like I ended up having, I don’t want to say those hours that goes with it. I wasn’t like this. But I’ve learned to navigate working in organizations and with people. Your voice is your value. It is how you’re able to speak up without being, and sometimes, you don’t have to be thinking about what I say. Sometimes, you’re going to have to say things that are not palatable in the room. Because if you’re saying it, someone else is thinking about it, but not being bold enough to say it.

Heather Nelson: What was your experience like? Because you were in the corporate world for a long time, and you were in leadership. What was your experience like as a woman of color in an industry where you’re very small compared to what the corporate world looks like? What was your experience through that?

Dr. Shola Sulaimon: Heather, that’s a very great question. I will say that being in corporate, and I want to go back to when I first started, so just give the audience a little bit of a story about me. Well, born and raised in Nigeria, moved out here. Vet by training, practiced for two years back then, and then moved to the United States. I went to grad school in Illinois, Urbana-Champaign. I will say, again, I’ve always been in a room where I’m the sole black person woman of color in the room. So it is that aspect of performance, you’re kind of always going to be, it’s not 100%, it’s 200%. I was the first PhD student for the program, woman of color. It wasn’t easy, but you put a lot of pressure on yourself. 

So when I talk about corporate, the organization I worked for was a great organization. I would say fantastic organization. I was able to have my career aspirations through it walking through the ladder. But I also know that there was also that inherent pressure. They say the performance pressure, for lack of a better word, Heather, is where you’re representing folks where they never meet a person of color. First thing, what am I representing? You’re representing someone that is a woman of color. And the next thing is where you’re representing. I’m representing Nigeria even though I’ve been in the United States longer than I’ve been in Nigeria. So those two things come, and it’s part of the things you have when you were raised where your parents tell you. When you go, know the home you’re coming from. Know the name of your family you’re coming from. So when you go out there, you represent us in your best. I don’t know if it’s right or wrong, but it’s a lot of pressure.

Heather Nelson: It’s a beautiful mindset.

Dr. Shola Sulaimon: You take it for a very long time. I’m always thinking. It’s like, how was your race? Know the home you’re coming from. Know the name of the family you’re coming from, don’t embarrass us. I don’t know about you, Heather, but that’s back there. I think it’s part of those cultures. But I will tell you, for me, one of the things I always say, I always focus on the work. I focus on the performance. I don’t focus on the noise. That’s how I’ve been raised. That’s what I know. It’s the work, what our goals are, and how we strive for that. And I think when that becomes your nut star, then you’re able to perform without the noise. I’m not saying the noise is not going to come up in your alone time where you’re thinking about, hmm, I was in this meeting. What did that mean? Opinion takes value in someone else repeating the same thing you say and this is like, how come my voice wasn’t heard? And I think it happens to women. It happens to all of us regardless of where you’re from, your skin tone. It just happens. Don’t take that, you just move on. So for me, I will tell you, Heather, I try to focus on what’s the goal, what’s our target, and that’s my priority. Then everything becomes this on the sideline, because that’s a distraction, a distraction, and the distractions of what doesn’t make a lot of people accomplish what they need to.

Heather Nelson: And it’s nothing you can do, right? It’s their opinion, it’s their thoughts. It’s like the book for Mel Robbins, let them have their opinion, let them think a certain way, but we don’t have control over that. But what we do have control is how we react to it, and how we continue through it.

Dr. Shola Sulaimon: It is. And I think that is very, very important regardless of where you are. Honestly, I think it’s part of the things they tell you in leadership. What’s within your influence? What’s out of your influence? Things you can influence, you work on that. What’s out of your control, you can’t do anything to that. And if you can’t do anything, you either find other people that can influence the situation. I remember one of my bosses, I love him dearly, and he was one of the best leaders I’ve had. He wasn’t too much in your face, but I will always say that he will tell you to show up what’s within your influence. Because sometimes, you’re trying to peg through the circle, and he will tell you, find someone else that you know is able to influence the group on what you’re saying because you’re coming on too strong. Sometimes when you come on too strong, people, even though you’re saying it right, they just don’t want to listen because of their ego. They think you’re trying to push it down there. 

So find someone else which you can get on your line and influence them so they can influence the broader group. This is something I did. Learn what’s within your influence and what you have no control over. And you got a lot of things you have no control over. You don’t have stress or anxiety, and still be something that women should really think about. And honestly, I think the other thing, everything is not urgent because that’s a thing that is important and is urgent. And we, as women, we think everything has to be done. And sometimes, I admire men because they have that thinking of, they’re always looking in the grand scheme. I know you see that. Sometimes, they’re able to look at it and say, okay, what do we need to do in the grand scheme of things? I think that’s one thing that encourages us. And I also say that for myself. Not everything that is urgent has to be done now.

Heather Nelson: That’s so great. You were in corporate, corporate America for, you said 20 plus years?

Dr. Shola Sulaimon: 20. Going to 20, 18 plus.

Heather Nelson: What was the point? Was it a day? Was it a meeting? Was it a season for you where you’re like, I gotta get out of this, and I gotta do something that fills my cup, or that I’m passionate about, or that you know that you could make a bigger impact doing the work that you’re doing now. What was that moment?

Dr. Shola Sulaimon: For me, I wouldn’t say it was a moment, it had been building, I will say that. I think I will say that you wanted to cross that threshold. I’m thinking, if I’d gotten the next thing that I wanted in an organization, probably I’ll still be in that organization as of today, honestly. But then again, your soul starts to speak to you. Is this what you want to do? I think people need to listen to that. You have to start listening to your heart and what your soul is telling you. Do you want to be doing this for the next 25 years to your retirement? You got to ask yourself that. Sometimes, you ask yourself that. Your soul is telling you something, but you’re also thinking about the practicality of stuff, isn’t it? 

So there are two ways you can go. Either, one, you leave the organization. I always say the almighty creator makes some things happen that they say, that you know your role, where restructuring your role is no longer needed. Because again, I will tell you about two kinds of people. I have other people that I will lead the organization and say, you know what? I don’t have anything left. I’m just gonna go figure it out. And there are folks that I will tell you, you don’t know your spirit guide. Your almighty is telling you, I know what you’re going through, my child. I know people don’t want to get it. But always for me, I believe there’s always something that’s bigger than us. I believe there’s something bigger than you, and you have to know sometimes that it will navigate you where you need to be. I will say, I know over the past couple of years, I was realizing that I wanted something bigger. I wasn’t getting it in that sense. 

And I think it’s also freedom. Sometimes, you want the freedom to create and not to be stuck in that box. Some people are fine with that. But if you’re creative and you know you want more, for me, I’ve known that I’ve always been looking for the next thing. It’s like, what’s the next group? I’m someone. I’m an achiever. I did the five strength fighter. One of them is an achiever. I do it even in my role. I’ve always been having different roles. Just learning. I’m a learner. I always want to learn something different. The opportunity came last year where they were restructuring, and it worked perfectly well for me. I will say part of what worked well for me, Heather, was two days after I took on a journey to go and see my mom. Because what happens is you’ve been working for so long and you didn’t have time for yourself, you didn’t have time to travel. And I think one of the things I’m going to tell women right now is we’re always giving to everybody apart from ourselves. 

I don’t know if you get it, Heather. You have kids, you give to work, you give to your spouse, you give to your job, you give to your kids, you give to your family, you give to your mom, and then you realize that no one’s filling your cup. You get to a point where you don’t want to start having resentment around the world. Because you know what? How come no one is caring for you? No one is giving you what you’re giving out. Life is not fair. For me, it was more like a reset where I prioritized myself, love the people I love in my family, but you know what? It’s that self care for myself. What did I want? I also say, Heather, there’s a season, isn’t it, when the younger, and I’m talking from a woman, a mother’s perspective. When the kids are younger, you can’t be thinking about self-care, isn’t it? It’s about what they tell you. No, it is. But you also want to be doing that work and making it. Just that time for self care. You got to do it 24/7. You got to make that space for yourself so you can feed into your family. But when they’re younger, you’re in the dungeons, you’re in the trenches, and all of that doesn’t happen. 

But as the kids get older, what I will really recommend to mothers or women is change the gloves they’re using. When I say changing the gloves, you can’t just be a helicopter mom. You got to make sure we’re making our kids grow in self responsibility, self care, accountability. Just growing up for when they’re no longer going to be in your house, in your home. And this is something I’m always going to encourage moms. I always say that I’m part of, in my mosque, what I say is we raise our kids not for us as mothers or parents. You raise your kids that when they leave the home where they have all the world, the world is not going to treat them like we treat them with love and excuses. I don’t want to say excuses, but you’re going to give them another chance. So one of the things I will tell you moms that are raising kids, raise them with love, lead them with support, raise them with guidance, but also release them for when they are no longer able to stand it to fit solid without you worrying about who they are going to be. Is that person going to take advantage of them because you did not equip them with those survival skills to be out there? I think for me, those are one of the things I always think about for raising the kids. Don’t raise them for you, raise them for the world.

Heather Nelson: I love that you said that earlier, because it’s so true. Put in perspective, the work that we’re doing with our children. You spoke to the woman who is in this world of raising children, what advice do you have to them once their kids are a little more self-sufficient? They’ve stopped working for 10 plus years to take care of their kids, and now they’re ready to go back into the workforce. But there’s this fear that if they put on a resume that they weren’t working for 10 years, they’re not worth anything, or they’re so hesitant to go back to work, and then to find the work that they truly enjoy. What advice do you have for that woman listening that’s stuck in the off season?

Dr. Shola Sulaimon: I will tell you, Heather, the hardest work. I think it’s easier to get a job than staying at home and raising your children. I think you know that women that stay at home and raise the kids, it’s the toughest job that is not being paid for. And I want every woman to know that I raise my hat off to women that stay at home and sacrifice to raise their children and be there. It’s not an easy feat. It’s not easy because you’re giving yourself 200%. So what I will tell women that have not been working and going out there, don’t think because you’re raising your kids, and you have leadership skills. 

Heather Nelson: I would rather hire a woman who just raised three children.

Dr. Shola Sulaimon: You have skills. It’s also the responsibility that enables what they’ve had. It’s like leadership, prioritization, focused on priorities, delivering. And women don’t think that all you have to do is make that translation. Honestly, we’ve got ChatGPT right now, right? We’ve got AI. These are all the things you do to translate it into a role you’re looking for, honestly, and it will create that for you. As my company grows, if I think I have to hire, I will always have women that have kids or stay-at-home women because they’re hungry to get into the workforce. They’re not going to take it for granted. They’re going to be there on time. They’re going to deliver. They’re going to meet everything because that’s how they’ve been running their mini organization, which is their family. So I think for women like that, really, that’s one. 

But the other, it’s also their opportunities. Being able to build your confidence and not saying, I was at home for 15 years. I raised my kids. Now, I think about what I will tell them, go back and look at all the accomplishments you’ve had, see your family as a mini organization. That’s what I want you to see. It’s a small organization. Think about their accomplishments. Think about some of the things you have done in volunteer work. Honestly, those are part of you. Think you’re just doing it? It’s like if you are the chairperson, the leader, you are getting people together. So translation to your core team member, your core team lead, and you’re having to deal with cross-functional partners. I think what they have to do is make that translation applicable to the roles they’re looking for, honestly. So that’s going to be one thing that I will say. 

And then sometimes, don’t be shy with some of the friends you’ve made in your kids’ soccer games. Something I tell my son, my oldest son, he’s going to be graduating right now from the University of Denver. I tell him, you have friends, don’t you? And sometimes, you make friends. Some of the friendship, you also have to be thinking about what they can offer you. What are the things they have that you can reach out to? You support each other. So if you have a friend, I don’t know if I’m being rude, what are the strengths? What are the networks they have? Because they tell you that your network is your net worth. Look at the network they have. You know it’s not just about that. You can tap into, and you have to be not shy and vulnerable to ask. And not saying you’re being needy, you just ask. People want to help. And if they can’t help, they will say, but people generally want to help people. That’s one thing I will say. So for women that have not been in the market, don’t be shy. You have been running a mini organization for how many years. What you have to look back is all the skills and some of the accomplishments you’ve had, and translate that as transferable skills to what you’re looking for. And the other thing, right now, you can take classes. You can always build up by taking classes where you quit credits or get a certification. It shows you that you’re being open, that you’re building yourself up. That’s the other thing I will say. You can go to the JC, take some certification, and take online classes.

Heather Nelson: So many things now. There’s online courses, not even through the JC or college, but just out there in the world, or YouTube, or whatever it is that you’re wanting to dabble into. Do the research, find the YouTube videos, find the courses, go to the JC. I love that. I think that’s so important. 

Dr. Shola Sulaimon: And we know right now is the advent of AI. Go get an AI thing. Create a chat box or something that addresses a need, a challenge. I was having this conversation and someone I was talking to. I was reading some of your podcasts, listening to it, and you were talking about LSR, and I’m part of LSR42. A colleague of mine was saying, if you had to create an AI tool, we want a virtual assistant that can review through emails and kind of prioritize what is important and what is not important. People are not saying that we’re slow in responding to you, so it’s all those things. And I think for those moms, you’re sitting down, you’re having conversations, you’re listening to where there’s an unmet need or there’s a challenge, people are stuck in it, it’s just difficult, it’s just inefficient. And tapping that and seeing how you can create something that can address that.

Heather Nelson: I love that. I talk a lot about women wanting to leave their career and go into entrepreneurship, which I do talk about a lot. But the last woman that I want to talk about, as far as being stuck in this, maybe it’s a role that they’re not happy with. What I find in my community and just talking to women, they’re in a corporate job and a 9 to 5, and they’re working for a business. They have no desire to start a business, or that’s not a desire to them, but they are so miserable in their job, and their health has declined. There’s no motivation. They’re grinding and feeling fulfilled, but they don’t want to leave, whether they’re scared because they don’t think they can get another job, or they’re afraid to walk away from something they’ve been so devoted to. Again, that woman that’s listening that’s stuck there, literally can see three in my head of how they move on to something better. 

Dr. Shola Sulaimon: I think the first thing I will say before you move on is find a hobby outside of work. You will find out most women don’t have an escape outside of work or family. You got to find an escape where you know that you’re bringing in something, and then you’re valued, and your cup is being filled. It doesn’t have to be anything related to the kind of work you’re doing, it could be volunteering in a retirement home, it could be volunteer to a nursery, could be volunteer at your church, it could be volunteering at your mosque, where they need people with your expertise is not concrete, and you bring that in and realize, oh, my gosh. I’m having value in that space. I’m going to give an example for some minor counties. There are different kinds of commissions and boards, you sit on that, and then you’re going to connect with different kinds of people while you’re giving the lessons, your experience, your skills and your expertise, and you’re giving it out there in a non-pressure area. Because you know what? They’re not being compensated. You’re doing it because you love to do it. People are not going to give you a performance evaluation, but you’re donating from a place. 

I think this is something I learned from me. Sometimes, you might need to have that escape, an alternate place where it’s not there 9 to 5 where you can know you’re bringing your value. Because I think what eventually happens, you think you’re in that space, I don’t feel I’m valued, I don’t feel I’m recognized, and you get stuck. So over the weekend, you got to find other things where you’re partnering, where you’re involved, where you’re leading because that will fill your cup. You go back, and then you kind of mix it. So that is one. 

The other is also probably having a coach. Sometimes, people don’t think about it. It will cost. But having a coach where you can really sit down and you don’t have those conversations. Because sometimes, you might find out who you are and what you’re doing. They’re not aligned, and you’re always going to be having that conflict. And if you’re doing that for all this amount of time, guess what? You’re going to think it’s miserable. But you know what it is? You’re not aligned to what you’re meant to be doing. People really need to know. We’re all different, and you got to know how you’re in, and how you were raised. There’s going to always be a kind of career in which you’re going to be good at that. You’re going to do it. You’re having fun. It’s not going to be work. 

Those are part of the things I will say, you got to do that work. Identify what your drive is, what your passion is. And then know if you’re lying to what you are meant to be doing. So you’ll be that one, having that conversation, having a coach, and having a roadmap on where you should be at ,and where you should get on how you transition to that path that will fulfill you. I think that’s the one thing I will say. But I will say one of the first initial steps, find some volunteering things you do on the weekend, and meet people outside of work. Because if work is the only thing you have and you’re not having a mix, you’re just going to be stuck in that. If you’re mixing it up, they tell me varieties, the spice of life, isn’t it? Mix it up. Meet different people.

Heather Nelson: That’s why I loved LSR. And for anyone who’s local, Sonoma County, it’s called Leadership Santa Rosa. A two-year program, and it’s wonderful. But I met so many amazing people that I’ve now grown my network. It’s crazy because I was in class of 36, so we were in during the pandemic, so six years ago. Everybody who is in our group is literally doing something different. I don’t think anybody is still in the same job that they were six years ago because I think that program, and I’m sure there’s others out there like that, you get to explore different industries, different companies, different opportunities, different nonprofits in our community to get involved and partner with. And I think that’s, again, the beauty of getting involved with something other than your job, and the things that can happen. 

Dr. Shola Sulaimon: I will tell you. Heather, LSR has been amazing. I will tell folks, if you have an opportunity to get into Leadership Santa Rosa, or Leadership Windsor, or whatever leadership at Loma, if they have it, and the reason why I say that is I’ve been here in Santa Rosa since 2005. I was an adjunct faculty at the JC, adjunct faculty at (inaudible) University, and what I realized is sometimes, we’re just focused. I was head heads down, I was raising my family, it was work. Those were the two things. I did not raise my head up to smell the words about the community. How do things play? And this is what Leadership Santa Rosa does. It makes you understand the community, the different plays, is it criminal justice. They bring all the leaders within those different spaces, and they come and give you a talk, and you get to understand and make the connection. What I love about it is you’re not reading all because we have social media, we have the news, they tell you all things, and everything is a headline, isn’t it? It’s a headline. 

And if you don’t have critical thinking, guess what? You’re always going to take everything hook like and sinker because they know how to work on people’s, I think, anxiety, their stress, that panicking about things. So I think that’s the one thing I will say. Leadership Santa Rosa, I’m not saying, it’s perfect for me. I’ve met different people I would not meet in my entire life if I were still working in corporate. I’m meeting a CEO of a non-profit Catholic charity. I’m meeting a lieutenant in the police. I’m meeting an assistant city attorney going to be this city attorney of Santa Rosa. So you meet different native Indians. You meet different people across the board. And it also helps you in your thinking that you’re not thinking at once, you kind of start having a global way of thinking. I think for me, that’s the one thing I will say. I love Leadership Santa Rosa. And if anybody can, I will encourage people to get it. It’s highly competitive. You just don’t get it. It’s an interview. I was reading your podcast, it’s not for everybody, you’re gonna be interviewed before you get it. I hope that answered your question. 

Heather Nelson: Absolutely. I love that. I love having that conversation from that perspective too. So what is the work you’re doing now? You’re not in corporate, you alluded to a year ago, you’re doing your own thing. Tell us what you’re doing now.

Dr. Shola Sulaimon: Okay. What I’ve done is, I started my own company, ShoTune Medical Consulting Group. What I do is I advise medical device companies on regulatory clinical quality and commercialization risk. And the other part I’m doing right now, part of ShoTune is helping leaders make better decisions on the pressure, and helping women understand that there is the technical piece and there’s the people piece for this particular forum. It’s the people piece, which is currently being built here in Santa Rosa, Sonoma County, which is the voice to value where we get professional women come together. What I want to do is leadership coaching and mentoring across a number of things, it’s like your voice to value. How are you in a room when you’re able to be comfortable in speaking up without thinking that I can’t express myself. So that’s the part. It’s in the works, it is being built. Once it’s done, hopefully I can come again on another podcast and really share that with your community members on how that is shaping up itself.

Heather Nelson: I love that, and I love that you’re just learning, you’re taking different parts of things that you’re passionate about. You were in the medical field for so long, and leadership, and then this passion for coaching, everything you’ve said today resonates so well, and you’re creating this experience for people that dabbles in all of your career journey.

Dr. Shola Sulaimon: Yeah. It is. What I think, and those are going to be part of the things, Heather. You’re doubling it. But then eventually, right now you have to give yourself, find out which one’s gonna. And I think, for me, part of the women part is, I come from a family of five girls. So for me, how do we empower women? How do we get that tribe of sisterhood? The most important thing for me, Heather, is if we’ve gone through it, we got to help other people not go through some of our mistakes. You got to make different kinds of mistakes, not the ones we made, and that’s part of telling your story. I’ve been there. And sometimes, some people have to make their mistakes to learn. Those are part of what I’m hoping for the voice to value in that sense.

Heather Nelson: I love that. I’m so excited that our worlds have collided. And I do think that I meet people on certain days for certain reasons. And again, I’m continuing to build my community, and my tribe, and my women who support each other, and want to support each other, and connect people. And so that’s what I love so much about the Sonoma County Women’s Professional. But just women leading women and women doing good in our community, those are the people that I want to be around because they fill my cup as a mom and as a business leader.

Dr. Shola Sulaimon: Thank you, thank you, thank you so much. I think sometimes, some people are sent to your path. You’re meant to meet them at a certain season. I think for you, when you presented at SWP, I could just hear the authenticity in your heart. Really, we did it. Sometimes, you were speaking to my heart, and I walked up and I said to one person. And then again, you were very responsive. You’re responsive in your emails and texts. It was like boom, boom, boom. We made it happen. I think we met in April, and this is under a month. We are making it happen. 

Heather Nelson: I’m a doer, so I love doers on my community. I’m like, let’s do it.

Dr. Shola Sulaimon: I want to say, thank you for the opportunity to share my story with your community, honestly. I can always say, thank you very much.

Heather Nelson: I would love you to leave us with something you’ve learned along your journey, something that you wish you knew along your journey, just like one big pow moment that we can leave these women with today.

Dr. Shola Sulaimon: I think women should know you are not alone. Never feel you’re not enough. And that’s the thing I found out. We women sometimes isolate ourselves, and we think it’s only us that’s happening to need to be in a community where you’re having conversations, vulnerable conversations. And then when you have those vulnerable conversations, people can say, it happened to me. And then you feel affirmed, it’s not only me. Also, being able to use your voice and your judgment. And knowing that sometimes, your judgment, it’s not going to be politically right, isn’t it?

Heather Nelson: You’re going to hurt somebody.

Dr. Shola Sulaimon: So it’s going to be like, be authentic self. That’s one thing I’m gonna say. Be your authentic self in a respectful and manifold way. I’m not saying, be an authentic self being a jerk, being rude, being disrespectful. But be your authentic self. Because you know what? You are gonna be on your bed at night sleeping and ruminating, and you’re gonna say that you don’t want to be going back thinking, I should have done this. I should have said this. At the end of the day, you said I did it. You move forward, you don’t look back, and you step. So I think for me, that’s going to be one thing I’m going to say. Be authentic self, true to yourself, being respectful and mindful while you’re there. I think that’s going to be one of the things I’m going to say.

Heather Nelson: I love that. Beautiful. Thank you so much for being here. I’m so glad we connected. I can’t wait to see what’s next in your business, and see you out and about. And thank you again for telling your story.

Dr. Shola Sulaimon: Heather, thank you very much. And I will love, again, when I launch the other women thing, to come back in there and just share that with women on what I’ve gathered from the community of women, their feedback, really empower people so they are not alone. Women are not alone in our thinking. When we’re left to our own selves, that you’re part of a bigger group in that sense. So thank you very much, Heather. Thank you. Have a wonderful day. Take care.

Heather Nelson: That’s a wrap on today’s episode of Her Story Unscripted. If something you heard today made you feel a little more seen, a little less alone, or just got you thinking, that’s exactly why we’re here. If this episode resonated with you, I’d love for you to share it with another woman in your life who needs to hear it. And if you haven’t already, make sure you subscribe wherever you listen, or catch us on YouTube so you never miss a conversation. I’m Heather Nelson. Thank you for being here, for listening, and for showing up for real stories. I’ll see you next week.